I thought it might be a good idea to repost this blog about self-help books for couples:
If your looking for a good self help book instead of marriage counselling, here is one I can recommend: Why Marriages Succeed and Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last by John Gottman. Many couples need the help of a registered marriage and family therapist, but this book is useful for anyone, including those who decide to see therapist of counsellor. Here is the book at Amazon.ca:
<a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Why-Marriages-Succeed-Fail-Yours/dp/0684802414/ref=pd_sim_b_1/701-7522828-1360365?ie=UTF8&qid=1189021726&s">http://www.amazon.ca/Why-Marriages-Succeed-Fail-Yours/dp/0684802414/ref=pd_sim_b_1/701-7522828-1360365?ie=UTF8&qid=1189021726&s</a>
The book is by marriage researcherDr. John Gottman. It's described as "upbeat, easy-to-follow manual based on research into the dynamics of married couples. Gottman describes his studies as being akin to a CAT scan of a living relationship and asserts that he's been able to predict the future of marriages with an accuracy rate of over 90 percent. In 1983 and 1986, his research team monitored more than a hundred married couples in Indiana and Illinois with electrodes, video cameras, and microphones as they attempted to work out real conflicts. Using the information derived from these sessions, Gottman concludes here that a lasting relationship results from a couple's ability to resolve conflicts through any of the three styles of problem-solving that are found in healthy marriages- -validating, conflict-avoiding, and volatile. Numerous self-quizzes help couples determine the style that best suits them. Gottman points out, however, that couples whose interactions are marked by four characteristics--criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal--are in trouble, and he includes self-tests for diagnosing these destructive tactics, as well as steps for countering them. Interestingly, Gottman asserts that the basis of a stable marriage can be expressed mathematically: the ratio of positive to negative moments must be at least 5:1--and he offers a four-step program for breaking through negativity and allowing one's natural communication and problem-solving abilities to flourish. Mathematics and science aside, there's plenty of old- fashioned, helpful, and worthwhile advice here about gender differences, realistic expectations, love, and respect--advice that may appeal especially to those who enjoy taking quizzes and analyzing relationships."
If you love your mate, and your relationship just seems to be going off track, and becoming less and less important to you, this is THE book for you. As the author above describes, Gottman's book is one of the very few relationship books that is actually based on science. There are many theories, but most are ...it may seem hard to imagine...just made up! Yes, people look at a situation and develop a theory, and then a practice, on what they think is right, with no research to back up their ideas, or the treatment you are exposed to. Gottman bases his suggestions on scientific observations and years of research. The ideas on how to strengthen your relationship are easy to follow, clearly laid out and presented in a step by step manner. Those of us who practice marriage and family therapy often use both his books and his many packets of clinical material to help guide couples through this learning process in a supportive and direct manner. In the book you will learn: That more sex doesn't necessarily improve a marriage, Frequent arguing will not lead to divorce, Financial problems do not always spell trouble in a relationship, Wives who make sour facial expressions when their husbands talk are likely to be separated within four years, There is a reason husbands withdraw from arguments -- and there's a way around it
Dr. Gottman tells you how to recognize attitudes that doom a relationship, which he calls "The Four Horsemen" - contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling, and provides you with readings, exercises, role plays, tips and easy to use techniques that will help you understand and make the most of your relationship. Through reading and practicing his suggestions you can avoid patterns that lead to divorce.
About Dr. Roche:
Dr. Jim Roche is a Registered Psychologist and a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist with offices in Vancouver and Burnaby, BC. He has been in practice for over 25 years and uses Dr. John Gottman's programs and techniques, as well as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, when working with couples and families. For more information about his marriage therapy practice check out his web page at: http://www.relatedminds.com/couples-therapy/
Other information about Dr. Roche can be found at: <a href="http://relatedmnds.com">www.relatedminds.com</a> or <a href="http://www.relatedminds.com/adhd">www.relatedminds.com/adhd</a>. Other information on my practice can be found at: <a href="http://Therapists.Psychologytoday.com/70682">http://Therapists.Psychologytoday.com/70682</a>, http://www.bcpsychologist.org/users/jimroche or <a href="http://psyris.com/drjimroche">http://psyris.com/drjimroche</a>.
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