A short post today. Here is a great link for some simple FAQ's (Frequently Asked Questions) on Marriage Counselling and Family Therapy fro the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Click here.
For more information you can visit my web page at www.relatedminds.com
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
How to Choose a Marriage and Family Counsellor or Therapist
How to choose a Marriage and Family Therapist
You will find a list of Registered Marriage and Family Therapists (RMFT’s) in British Columbia by clicking this link AAMFT.
All REGISTERED Marriage and Family Therapist are all clinical members of the British Columbia Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (BCAMFT) and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT). This includes a graduate degree focused on family therapy and two years of close clinical supervision by an approved and specially trained supervisor.
When you have identified one or more RMFT from the list who are accessible to you, call and interview them briefly over the phone. Some questions you may want to consider are:
What is your educational and training background?
All registered marriage and family therapists therapists on this list are qualified and experienced, but you may like to find out where they went to school, their specialty, or how long they have been doing this work.
Do you have experience treating the kind of problem I have?
Remember, not all therapists can treat all problems. Sometimes a therapist specializes in certain areas. If the therapist’s area of expertise is not the one you are looking for, ask for a referral to a therapist who can best help you. You will need to briefly indicate the problems you are experiencing (eg. marital difficulties, stress, anxiety at work etc). You should expect the therapist to ask you a bit about your problems to se if THEY are a good fit.
How much do you charge and what is your method of payment?
Fees typically range in B.C. $100.00 to $125.00 for those with an MA. Those with doctorate degrees (PhD’s) typically charge $160.00 to $175.00 per hour.
Would you be covered under my employment insurance policy or any other plan?
Some employers, typically the larger ones, have extended health benefits that cover some counselling. Read the fine print carefully. Sometimes MFTs are covered, sometimes they are not. A number of larger companies have employee assistance plans (EAP’s) that do cover MFTs. Again, check a carefully with your employer’s human resources or personnel department. Although the therapist may not know the answer off hand (as there are many policies and they keep changing) he/she should be able to guide you to find out the information you seek. As well, some employers or insurance companies will add a particular therapist or professional therapy designation to their list of those who are covered if employees make the request.
A number of MFT here in British Columbia are also Registered Psychologist (in addition to their MFT training). Their services are almost always covered by extended health care plans.
Also, remember that you may see a number of individuals advertising, especially on the web, who say they are marriage and family therapist or practice marriage counselling. Many of these are RCCs (Registered Clinical Counsellors) or CCC (Canadian Clinical Counsellors). Unless they are members of the British Columbia Association of Marriage and Family Therapist they are not registered family therapists. Often they will have had a course of two in family therapy, and maybe have practiced family therapy for a while. However, this is very different from a clinical member of AAMFT and BCAMFT who have completed specialized graduate programs in the field and have had a minimum of 1,200 hours of supervised clinical experience under the supervision of an approved and specially trained supervisor. (Some RCCs may have as little as 100 hours of supervised training, CCCs even less.) Ask, "Are you a clinical member of the British Columbia Association of Marriage and Family Therapists?" If couple or family issues are your problem, go to an expert.
Where are the sessions held and what is the length of time of a session?
After you have had a brief conversation based on the above questions you should have a “feel” for this therapist. If you feel fairly positive, proceed with booking an appointment. If you don’t feel comfortable for any reason, interview some one else.
Finally, the usual length of session is 50 to 60 minutes. Sometimes you can arrange a longer
session.
For more information on specialized Family and Couple Therapy in British Columbia you can click here and go to BCAMFT website.
For information about my website go to www.relatedminds.com
You will find a list of Registered Marriage and Family Therapists (RMFT’s) in British Columbia by clicking this link AAMFT.
All REGISTERED Marriage and Family Therapist are all clinical members of the British Columbia Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (BCAMFT) and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT). This includes a graduate degree focused on family therapy and two years of close clinical supervision by an approved and specially trained supervisor.
When you have identified one or more RMFT from the list who are accessible to you, call and interview them briefly over the phone. Some questions you may want to consider are:
What is your educational and training background?
All registered marriage and family therapists therapists on this list are qualified and experienced, but you may like to find out where they went to school, their specialty, or how long they have been doing this work.
Do you have experience treating the kind of problem I have?
Remember, not all therapists can treat all problems. Sometimes a therapist specializes in certain areas. If the therapist’s area of expertise is not the one you are looking for, ask for a referral to a therapist who can best help you. You will need to briefly indicate the problems you are experiencing (eg. marital difficulties, stress, anxiety at work etc). You should expect the therapist to ask you a bit about your problems to se if THEY are a good fit.
How much do you charge and what is your method of payment?
Fees typically range in B.C. $100.00 to $125.00 for those with an MA. Those with doctorate degrees (PhD’s) typically charge $160.00 to $175.00 per hour.
Would you be covered under my employment insurance policy or any other plan?
Some employers, typically the larger ones, have extended health benefits that cover some counselling. Read the fine print carefully. Sometimes MFTs are covered, sometimes they are not. A number of larger companies have employee assistance plans (EAP’s) that do cover MFTs. Again, check a carefully with your employer’s human resources or personnel department. Although the therapist may not know the answer off hand (as there are many policies and they keep changing) he/she should be able to guide you to find out the information you seek. As well, some employers or insurance companies will add a particular therapist or professional therapy designation to their list of those who are covered if employees make the request.
A number of MFT here in British Columbia are also Registered Psychologist (in addition to their MFT training). Their services are almost always covered by extended health care plans.
Also, remember that you may see a number of individuals advertising, especially on the web, who say they are marriage and family therapist or practice marriage counselling. Many of these are RCCs (Registered Clinical Counsellors) or CCC (Canadian Clinical Counsellors). Unless they are members of the British Columbia Association of Marriage and Family Therapist they are not registered family therapists. Often they will have had a course of two in family therapy, and maybe have practiced family therapy for a while. However, this is very different from a clinical member of AAMFT and BCAMFT who have completed specialized graduate programs in the field and have had a minimum of 1,200 hours of supervised clinical experience under the supervision of an approved and specially trained supervisor. (Some RCCs may have as little as 100 hours of supervised training, CCCs even less.) Ask, "Are you a clinical member of the British Columbia Association of Marriage and Family Therapists?" If couple or family issues are your problem, go to an expert.
Where are the sessions held and what is the length of time of a session?
After you have had a brief conversation based on the above questions you should have a “feel” for this therapist. If you feel fairly positive, proceed with booking an appointment. If you don’t feel comfortable for any reason, interview some one else.
Finally, the usual length of session is 50 to 60 minutes. Sometimes you can arrange a longer
session.
For more information on specialized Family and Couple Therapy in British Columbia you can click here and go to BCAMFT website.
For information about my website go to www.relatedminds.com
Friday, June 18, 2010
John Gottman on Repair
For more information on Gottman oriented therapy and counselling please visit my web site at www.relatedminds.com
John Gottman on the Four Horsemen
For more information on Gottman oriented marriage and couple counselling please visit my web page at www.relatedminds.com
John Gottman: The Magic Relationship Ratio
For more information on Gottman based marriage and family therapy please visit my website at www.relatedminds.com
Monday, June 14, 2010
An Introduction to John Gottman: Part 1
John Gottman has been conducting marital therapy research for over 25 years. (His web page can be found at www.gottman.com) There are many theorist in the field, but John Gottman is one of the few who have written books on marriage and couple therapy, practices marriage and couple therapy and has based his practice on research. Most others write books based upon their "experience," which we know is often wrong, and what they "feel" should work. Gottman does what has been scientifically been show to work!
In the next few blogs I want to review his work. I am going to start today by discussing some of the myths and truths about marital dysfunction.
1. Affairs cause divorces. Almost true. While 20-25% of people in mediation groups say that their spouse having an affair was A reason for their divorce, the major reason for divorce given by 80% was a "deterioration in intimacy."
2. Gender differences cause divorce. Well, as some have pointed out, if this were true we would expect a very high number of divorces in heterosexual couples and near zero with gay and lesbian couples. Gay and lesbian couples are not that lucky. It must be something else!
3. Communications problems cause divorce. Most couples coming to see me, like those coming to see most therapists, say they are having trouble with communication. The truth is distressed people communicate very clearly what they feel and mean. Sometimes too clearly. Therapy sometimes stressed expressing even more, only to further damage the relationship!
4. No "quid pro quo" makes unsuccessful marriages and relationships. Research shows this is not the case for troubled couples, but neither is it for happy couples.
What does the research show?
1. Positivity - positive statements - in happy couples is seen at a rate of 20-1! In couples in conflict its only 5-1. The best way to tell if a couple is getting divorced is to watch the number and quality of the interactions when they are NOT in stress and conflict.
2. Marriage tend to end at two times: at 5-7 years due to conflict; and at 10-12 years due to loss of intimacy.
3. When it comes to arguments the type of person you are with (an attacker, soother, avoider) is not as important as the MISMATCH between them.
4. And surprise! Most problematic issues (65%) don't get solved, they just get managed. Temper your expectations!
How does this research apply to you? I recommend reading Gottman's book Seven Principals for Making a Marriage Work to find out. It will guide you through how to understand this research, and how to make changes in your relationship. Much of this information translates into understanding two kinds of states that marriages can be in: 1) Positive Statement Override, where positive statements and behaviours outweigh negatives by 20-1, and Negative Statement Override where the ration is in favour of the negative, or the positives are below 5-1.
Therapy consists of learning what you can do about this, and in reality you can't confront the negative system override directly. Rather you need to develop and support the infrastructure of the positive override system. In therapy we learn to do this through practicing what are called "softened startups; self soothing;working to improve our "acceptance of influence"; making what are called "repair attempts; learning to de-escalate and compromise; making what are called "bids for affection," and avoiding "gridlock."
Most important, we must learn to avoid what Gottman calls the 4 Horseman: Criticism (what kind of person are you?); Contempt (I would never be so low as to do something like that!); Defensiveness (Yeah:? Well what about what you do?); and finally Stonewalling (shutting down).
In Gottman based therapy we focus on six basic skills: 1) Recognizing and avoiding the 4 Horseman; softening startups; Accepting influence (especially for men, yes, it's true); soothing physio arousal; recognizing and responding to repair attempts and finally compromise. Over the next few posts we will be addressing these skills, but we will follow this outline:
1. How to move from gridlock to dialogue
2. Learn how to recover after a fight
3. Reviewing these six basic social skills we just addressed
4. Making effective repairs
I hope this brief outline I will be offering will get you interested in the work of John Gottman. It's my opinion there is nothing that can help more in most cases. Sometimes couples are not ready for therapy and need to be seen individually first. And sometimes there is so much irrational thinking going on that a short period of individual cognitive behaviour therapy or rational emotive therapy might be the best way to start. See a therapist for help, and if you need to see a psychologist remember that a number of therapist here in BC are both registered psychologist and registered marriage and family therapists. You can locate a family therapist at the web site of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapist on their "Therapy Locator." Their licenses and registrations will be specified.
For more information on my practice you can visit my web page at www.relatedminds.com
In the next few blogs I want to review his work. I am going to start today by discussing some of the myths and truths about marital dysfunction.
1. Affairs cause divorces. Almost true. While 20-25% of people in mediation groups say that their spouse having an affair was A reason for their divorce, the major reason for divorce given by 80% was a "deterioration in intimacy."
2. Gender differences cause divorce. Well, as some have pointed out, if this were true we would expect a very high number of divorces in heterosexual couples and near zero with gay and lesbian couples. Gay and lesbian couples are not that lucky. It must be something else!
3. Communications problems cause divorce. Most couples coming to see me, like those coming to see most therapists, say they are having trouble with communication. The truth is distressed people communicate very clearly what they feel and mean. Sometimes too clearly. Therapy sometimes stressed expressing even more, only to further damage the relationship!
4. No "quid pro quo" makes unsuccessful marriages and relationships. Research shows this is not the case for troubled couples, but neither is it for happy couples.
What does the research show?
1. Positivity - positive statements - in happy couples is seen at a rate of 20-1! In couples in conflict its only 5-1. The best way to tell if a couple is getting divorced is to watch the number and quality of the interactions when they are NOT in stress and conflict.
2. Marriage tend to end at two times: at 5-7 years due to conflict; and at 10-12 years due to loss of intimacy.
3. When it comes to arguments the type of person you are with (an attacker, soother, avoider) is not as important as the MISMATCH between them.
4. And surprise! Most problematic issues (65%) don't get solved, they just get managed. Temper your expectations!
How does this research apply to you? I recommend reading Gottman's book Seven Principals for Making a Marriage Work to find out. It will guide you through how to understand this research, and how to make changes in your relationship. Much of this information translates into understanding two kinds of states that marriages can be in: 1) Positive Statement Override, where positive statements and behaviours outweigh negatives by 20-1, and Negative Statement Override where the ration is in favour of the negative, or the positives are below 5-1.
Therapy consists of learning what you can do about this, and in reality you can't confront the negative system override directly. Rather you need to develop and support the infrastructure of the positive override system. In therapy we learn to do this through practicing what are called "softened startups; self soothing;working to improve our "acceptance of influence"; making what are called "repair attempts; learning to de-escalate and compromise; making what are called "bids for affection," and avoiding "gridlock."
Most important, we must learn to avoid what Gottman calls the 4 Horseman: Criticism (what kind of person are you?); Contempt (I would never be so low as to do something like that!); Defensiveness (Yeah:? Well what about what you do?); and finally Stonewalling (shutting down).
In Gottman based therapy we focus on six basic skills: 1) Recognizing and avoiding the 4 Horseman; softening startups; Accepting influence (especially for men, yes, it's true); soothing physio arousal; recognizing and responding to repair attempts and finally compromise. Over the next few posts we will be addressing these skills, but we will follow this outline:
1. How to move from gridlock to dialogue
2. Learn how to recover after a fight
3. Reviewing these six basic social skills we just addressed
4. Making effective repairs
I hope this brief outline I will be offering will get you interested in the work of John Gottman. It's my opinion there is nothing that can help more in most cases. Sometimes couples are not ready for therapy and need to be seen individually first. And sometimes there is so much irrational thinking going on that a short period of individual cognitive behaviour therapy or rational emotive therapy might be the best way to start. See a therapist for help, and if you need to see a psychologist remember that a number of therapist here in BC are both registered psychologist and registered marriage and family therapists. You can locate a family therapist at the web site of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapist on their "Therapy Locator." Their licenses and registrations will be specified.
For more information on my practice you can visit my web page at www.relatedminds.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)