A new book for Couples with ADHD | Adult ADHD

Much of my practice is working with teens, young adults and adults with ADHD in the Vancouver and Burnaby area. Almost all of my patients have seen one or more other therapists for relationship or couples therapy due to the problems associated with adult ADHD. Seldom do they seem satisfied. A recent post addressed some of the issues and research published by the American Psychological Association about adult ADHD and couples therapy and how traditional couples therapy fails to take into account the elephant in the room - ADHD. This is very apparent when I ask these couples about what they have done in previous therapy. "Talked." is the usual answer. "Talked about communication." I then ask for any specific skills or tools they have been taught, and the vast majority of the time I get a none answer. None. Thy can't remember or were not taught any tools, either about communications or specifically how to deal with adult ADHD. This is disturbing as couples seem to spend lots of money, time and effort not learning some basic skills. Seldom do couples even recognize the major names in the field, names of individuals who have published the major books that EVERYONE with adult ADHD should have. For example, Dr. Russell Barkley.

I often send couples to Dr. Barkley;'s website and youtube channel where quickly they get up to speed on the facts about adult ADHD. Treatment for mental health disorders should almost always start with psycho-education - learning about your disorder. Dr. Barkley's site helps that happen quickly. Often times is starts a dramatic shift in the relationship because couples learn that what seemed hopeless is indeed hopeful. ADHD is more readily treatable than anxiety, depression, OCD or about any other outpatient disorder. And treatments, both medical and psychological, have a long long history of decades of success. Research is bountiful. And adult ADHD is no where near as unusual as they may have thought.

Thats why I am always surprised, and confounded, when patients who have had years of couple and individual treatment because of behaviours relating to ADHD cannot tell me a skill, tool or even recognize a name in the field!

Therapy is costly, and while MSP doesn't cover psychological services in BC (in the vast majority of North America psychological services ARE covered by insurance) most extended halt care plans do cover some of the costs. Still, there are limits, so I often focus treatment so that it works in tandem with self-help -do-it-yourself - workbooks or books. I often suggest getting a copy of 1  or 2 of Dr. Barkley's books, but these are big. More like a good reference book you SHOULD have, maybe something by Dr. Hallowell, and finally something directly about couples with adult ADHD. While I haven't found a perfect adult couple ADHD book I have found several that are good enough. (A perfect one would be much, much shorter than those available. Couples with adult ADHD simply do not have the time to read 3-400 pages! But, remember, all these books are available on Kindle, Kobo and usually audible.com to listen to!)

One recent book I've reviewed I would suggest you look at is ADHD and Marriage by Meissa Orlov and Dr. Ned Hallowell. "The Effects of ADHD on Marriage" addresses how to change your interactions - and behaviours- not by trying harder but by trying different! It tells you what effective treatment should look like (VERY HELPFUL for the consumer), dealing with emotions, setting boundaries and has several really useful tools and skills. It's a great place to start, and you can use it with your therapist or on your own. Take a look and then find yourself a therapist. But, maybe think about that research I mentioned on therapy that works or doesn't work - you need a therapist who is both an expert in marriage/relationship counselling, and someone who REALLY understands ADHD.

A relationship therapist - I would look for someone who is a registered marriage and family therapist, a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy or the British Columbia Association for Marriage and Family Therapy rather  than just any "counsellor." Members of AAMFT have two years of full time supersede clinical experience doing nothing but couple and family therapy, compared to a course or two others might take. And ADHD. Find someone who is also a psychologist and had some clinical training in ADHD or neuropsychology. You can find a dual trained person on the BCAMFT website.

For information  about me and my practice with children, teens and adults with ADHD please visit my website at www.relatedminds.com or www.relatedminds.com/adhd or at the British Columbia Psychological Association site at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/70682 or http://www.psychologists.bc.ca/users/jimroche

I have offices in Vancouver near Broadway, and in Burnaby near Lougheed Mall. My services are covered by most extended health care plans.