The largest clinical trial of couple therapy ever conducted has found that therapy can help even very distressed married couples: if both partners want to improve their marriage. and that is a critical part of the findings.
“It takes only one person to end a marriage but two people to make it work,” said Andrew Christensen, the lead author of the study, which appears in the April issue of the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. The couples received up to 26 therapy sessions. Psychologists then conducted follow-up sessions approximately every six months for five years after therapy ended. When the therapy sessions were over, about two-thirds of the couples overall had shown "significant clinical improvement." The study included 134 married couples, 71 in Los Angeles and 63 in Seattle who were in their 30s and 40s. The couples were “chronically, seriously distressed” and fought frequently, but they were hoping to improve their marriages.
so there is hope, if you WANT to work on your marriage. In the next few posts I will look at the work of Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute. Dr. Gottman was one of the first professionals to do scientific studies of couples and what the difference is between couples whose marriages withstand difficult times and those who don't. As a matter of fact Dr. Gottman is able to predict, after an initial interview, where your marriage is going.
Some of the factors that put couples at high risk for divorce are: Marriage at an early age; not graduating from high school; low-income bracket; inter-faith marriage; parents who were divorced; the way you criticize each other; the amount of defensiveness in your marriage; the tendency to withdraw from one another; and what can best be described as "contempt" for each other. These are all signs of you being statistically at higher risk of divorce. But they are also things we can actually do something about. These are things, for the most party, we can change or adapt to. If we want.
Who does well in marriage can couple counselling / therapy?
Young couples; non-sexist couples (yes, there is a reason for a therapist to push that issue!); couples who are still in love; and couples who are open to therapy and change.
In marriage and couple therapy we can help you set goals for what needs to change. We don't try to change your marriage, but instead teach you the skills to communicate your needs and perspectives. All couples experience conflict, most fight and argue! Happy couples know how to handle their disagreements because they have a relationship with a strong foundation of affection and friendship. Unhappy couples simply do not have these skills. But they are skills you can learn, practice and become experts at.
What the research is also clear about is that you shouldn't wait until it's too late. If you think your marriage is in trouble, get help and don't wait. One place you can look for a marriage therapist is through the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT). In British Columbia members of the BCAMFT are Clinical Members of AAMFT. Many are also Registered Psychologists or Social Workers. Look for a therapist early.
Dr. Jim Roche is a Registered Psychologist and Registered MArriage and Family Therapist. He has offices in Burnaby (close to Coquitlam, Port Moody and New Westminster) and Vancouver. you can find information on his practice at www.relatedminds.com or at his link through AAMFT. He has over twenty years experience as a clinical member of AAMFT.
Dr. Jim Roche
778.998-7975
clinicalpsychology@gmail.com
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