Couple, Marriage and Family Therapy: Burnaby / Vancouver

I provide couple, marriage and family therapy in my office in Burnaby, BC.  My office is located with quick accesds to Vancouver, Burnaby, Coquitlam and New Westminster. Office hours are available in the afternoon, evening and some Saturdays.

Couple therapy is based upon the work of Dr. John Gottman, as well as other cognitve-behavioural theraies such as RET (Rational Emotive Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy).

In addition to being a registered psychologist and holding a PhD in clinical psychology, I also hold a graduate degree in marriage and family therapy and completed two years of supervised experience just in couples therapy. I have been a Registered and Licensed Marriage and Family herapist for over two decades and am a Clinical Member and Fellow of the American Association for Marriage and Family Counselling (AAMFT).

I also provide individual therapy for depression, anxiety, workplace stress and OCD. I also have a good number of adult patients with asperger's and autism spectrum disorder who are seen for marriage and relationship counselling.  Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

For more information please visit my web page at:

http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy

www.relatedminds.com

Gottman Couple's Therapy -Marriage and Couples Counselling Explained

About John Gottman
Many therapist in the Northwest use a particular type of therapy called "Gottman Couples Therapy." Unlike some others, Gottman therapy isn't something simply made up, or heavily influenced by a theory. Instead Gottman developed his therapeutic methods by watching and observing couples first hand, through camera and windows at his research centre in Washington state. I really don't know of any other marriage therapy that is so research based rather than theory based.

John Gottman has been conducting this marital therapy research for 25 years, and is a well-respected leader in the field. Gottman has studied what he calls "masters" and "disasters" of marriage, and offers that there are a number of myths about why marriages actually fail that need to be cleared up. Thesauri based upon "theory," which, I have to say, is often just what someone thought and then wrote a book about.

Myths And Truths Of Marital Dysfunction
Myth 1 Affairs cause divorces - 20-25% of mediation groups say an affair was a reason, but the reason given by 80% is deterioration of intimacy. Further, 70% of men and 40% of women had affairs in the 1970's but the numbers are now about equal, largely due to women moving into the work force and having greater access to partners.

Myth 2 Gender differences cause divorce - if this were so, the divorce rate would be 100% for heterosexual couples, and 0% for gay and lesbian couples

Myth 3 Communication problems cause marital conflict - actually, distressed people communicate quite clearly what they feel and mean

Myth 4 No quid pro quo makes for an unsuccessful marriage - the idea is that doing good things for your partner is contractual on getting good things back; research shows this is not the case for ailing couples, but neither is it the case for happy couples either


You will find these ideas fully explained on the Gottman Institute web page at www.gottman.com

So what is true?
Truth 1 Positivity in interactions in happy couples is 20 to 1, in conflicted couples is 5 to 1, and in soon-to-divorce couples is .8 to 1. Watching a couple interact when they are not in conflict is the best way to predict their risk for divorce

Truth 2 Marriages tend to end at one of two times:
5-7 years due to high conflict
10-12 years due to the loss of intimacy and connection
(there is some disagreement with Gottman on this issue, as marriages certainly end before 5-7 years, as well as between 7 and 10 years, but Gottman argues these are critical or high risk times for marriages)

Truth 3 When it comes to arguments, the type of person one partners with (attacker, soother, avoider) is not so important as the mismatch between the couple:
soothers overwhelm avoiders, and you get the distancer-pursuer dynamic
soothers and attackers have little ability to influence each other, little positive sentiment, and a great deal of emotional tension
avoiders and attackers are the worst pairing, with severe distancer-pursuer dynamic

Truth 4 Most problematic issues (69% in fact) don't get solved, they get "managed."



The Basic Gottman Model
Gottman follows a clear but flexible model:
Here is what to do: Move "Gridlock to Dialogue"
Learn-Teach recovery after a fight - sure, you would prefer they avoid nasty fights, but Gottman has found in his research that fighting in and of itself is not the problem. In fact, couples who do not fight at all are more likely to end up divorced.
Learn-Teach six basic social skills
Recognizing (and avoiding) what he calls the 4 Horsemen
Softening startups of interactions
Accepting influence from your partner (especially for men)
Learn how to sooth physiological arousal (relaxation techniques can help partners calm down during heated arguments, but once they are upset, it may take over 20 minutes for the body to slow itself down to calm levels)
Lear to recognize  (and responding to) what Gottman calls "repair attempts" that occur during a conflicted interaction
Learn to compromise

While some of these are technical terms you will learn in Gottman based therapy, or just by reading his books or watching his videos, I bet most of them you could figure out. I suggest you visit his website www.gottman.com, watch some videos available on his website and youtube, and then decide if you'd like a third party - therapist - involved.

Some people come in and do full strength Gottman therapy, usually seeing me weekly for 8-10 weeks, and then some follow up sessions. Some people come in and for one reason or another start couple counselling by having hour or two consult, and go off with their copies of Gottman's books or his self-help DVD set, and come back for "consultations." This isn't easy, but for some its necessary. Finally, some couple come in, learn about Gottman and the process and go off for a weekend or week long training/therapy/consultation session at either the Gottman Institute or with another practitioner who might do weekend long workshop who I suggest.

Whatever you do, I advise you to see a Registered or Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist rather than a "counsellor" with little experience or training in the field. Members of the AAMFT (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy) are highly trained specialists with graduate degrees focused on marriage and family therapy, usually 2 years of supervised experience and in most locations they have passed professional tests in the field (in BC "clinical counsellors are not members of a regulatory body, nor do they take any qualifying exams).  You can learn more about marriage and family therapists at the web site for the BCAMFT (British Columbia Association for Marriage and Family Therapy).

If you are interested in seeing me for marriage and family therapy, I am also a licensed and registered psychologist, and costs are usually covered (to some degree) by your medical plan. Please visit my website at www.relatedminds.com or the marriage and family therapy page at http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

I have offices in Burnaby, Vancouver and Seattle, Washington. Please contact me through my website to set up an appointment.

Couple, Marriage, Family and Individual Therapy

In my practice (offices in Burnaby, Vancouver and Seattle, WA) I see individuals, couples and families for therapy. Often therapy for individuals or couples centers around specific behavioural issues and thinking processes which is addressed through the use of cognitive and behavioural techniques known as CBT or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. For more information about CBT and what CBT is I would visit the following webpage: www.anxietybc.com and see how CBT is used to address issues relating to anxiety. It is also used to address depression and other issues. You might want to take a quick look at the wikipedia page that describes CBT-Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, it's history and practice. Click here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

As it says, "Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is short-term psychotherapy originally designed to treat depression, but is now used for a number of mental illnesses. It works to solve current problems and change unhelpful thinking and behavior. The name refers to behavior therapy, cognitive therapy, and therapy based upon a combination of basic behavioral and cognitive principles. Most therapists working with patients dealing with anxiety and depression use a blend of cognitive and behavioral therapy."

Short term, behaviour and skill focused.  A good place to look for more information about CBT is looking up the two therapist who originated CBT,  Dr. Albert Ellis (who for a short time served as my supervisor and it is from his psychotherapy institute in New York where I earned my advanced certificate in CBT or, as it was called then, Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy, and Dr. Aaron Beck. I have also had the pleasure and privilege to attend trainings with Dr. Beck and others from his institute in Philadelphia.

I also see couples, and sometimes use CBT techniques with them, but often move to techniques and practices from Dr. John Gottman. Dr. Gottman has a training institute in Washington and focuses on working with couples. For more about Dr. Gottman and his form of couple's therapy click here: https://www.gottman.com/about-gottman-method-couples-therapy/

Gottman family therapy is really one of the few couple/marriage or family therapy methods that is based upon science, and you can read all about that on his web page above.

In addition to being a licensed and registered psychologist, my early training was in family therapy and I worked for many years as a couple's therapist and family therapist under my Marriage and Family Therapist license. I am currently a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist and a Clinical Member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.

Individuals who are Registered Family Therapists, or Licensed Family Therapists, generally have a two or three year MA or MS degree specifically in marriage and family therapy, with a specific set of coursework. Licensed and Registered Family Therapist have one or two years of full time supervised experience practicing marriage and family therapy under a specially trained therapist. I myself have completed towers in marriage and family therapy.

If you are interested in my services, please visit my website at either www.relatedminds.com or http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/ for more information. Whatever you decide to do, if your looking for help with a relationship, help with your marriage or help with your children, I suggest you consider a licensed or registered marriage and family therapist. While some counsellors claim to be family therapists or couples counsellors, they are not necessarily registered marriage and family therapists, and may have little more than a course or two in this field, and little if any supervised experience.

More information on couple, marriage and family therapy in BC can be found here: http://www.bcamft.bc.ca/ohana/website/index.cfm?p=95575656796

Information on couple, marriage and family therapy in Washington State can be found here: http://www.wamft.org/ohana/website/index.cfm?p=95575656262

Finally, information on the national association of family therapists can be found here:
http://www.aamft.org/imis15/AAMFT/Content/About_AAMFT/Qualifications.aspx?hkey=2d5f6fac-24c6-40fd-b74f-5f3eaf214e55

Your relationships are important. Make an informed choice, and find an informed professional.

For information about my practice please see my website at www.relatedminds.com or http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

Couples Therapy in Burnaby and Vancouver, BC

I provide couple therapy, as well as individual and family therapy, in my offices in Vancouver, Burnaby and Seattle. In addition to being a licensed and registered psychologist I am also a registered marriage and family therapist (RMFT) and a Clinical Member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. My practice includes working with couples, individuals and families on relationship issues and I have a specialized focus on couples dealing with ADHD and Asperger's Disorder or autism spectrum disorder

My training includes an advanced certificate in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy from the Albert Ellis Institute in New York, clinical training in couple and family therapy through Middletown Psychiatric Centre and it's community based mental health programs in New York (an APA approved clinical program), and more recently training in Gottman Family Therapy and CBT with the family.

For more information on the services I provide to couples and families please visit my web page at either www.relatedminds.com or http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

What is Marriage counselling?

Marriage counselling (couples therapy) is a type of psychotherapy. Marriage counseling helps couples recognize and resolve conflicts, learn new communication and behavioural skills and develop plans to improve their relationships. Through marriage counseling, you can make thoughtful decisions about rebuilding your relationship. In some situations we meet about going your separate ways in the most productive and non-confrontational manner possible, especially important for families with children.

Marriage counseling is often provided by registered therapists known as Registered Marriage and Family Therapists (RMFT in British Columbia, LMFT in Washington State). These therapists have graduate or postgraduate degrees — and many choose to become credentialed by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). Most MFTs have two years of full time supervised clinical experience providing therapy before working independently. (Compared to a required 100 hours by unregulated counsellors).

Marriage counseling is focused and short term. Marriage counseling typically includes both partners, but sometimes one partner chooses to work with a therapist alone. The specific treatment plan depends on the situation. Sometimes entire families participate in sessions.

In my practice I provide marriage and couple's therapy using a selection of therapeutic interventions best suited to your needs. These include Systemic Family Therapy, Gottman Family Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, AKA ACT, a form of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. As a clinician offering marriage and couple counselling I hold a graduate degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, a doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology, an Advanced Certificate in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy from the Albert Ellis Institute in New York as well as a license/registration in Psychology. I have also completed nearly 100 hours of Gottman specific training and have a background in mediation and law.

Please visit my website for information on my services in Marriage and Couple Therapy. I have offices in Burnaby, Vancouver and Seattle, Washington.

http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

Couples Therapy, Vancouver, Burnaby

Dr. Jim Roche is a Registered Psychologist and Marriage and Family Therapist with offices in Burnaby and Vancouver, British Columbia. He has just expanded his office hours and moved to two new locations. Dr. Roche provides cognitive behavioural therapy, Gottman based Marriage and Family Therapy and couple's therapy.  He has been licensed in the field of Marriage and Family Therapy for over 25  years.  Serves are usually covered by extended health care plans.

For further information please visit his web page at www.relatedminds.com or http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

Couples, Marraige Therapy and Parent Training

Dr. Jim Roche, Registered Psychologist

I provide couples therapy / marriage therapy and parent education for individuals dealing with family issues relating to autism, Aspergers, ADHD and other related disorders. Please visit my web page at: www.relatedminds.com  for full information.

Couples Therapy for Adult ADHD | A Review

On my ADHD blog I've written a new entry on ADHD and Couples Therapy. New research has shown that it far better to work with a therapist who has specific training in adult ADHD than to see a regular marriage or family counsellor as they may not have an understanding of the complexity of ADHD and how it interferes with the couple's progress in couples therapy.

For a look at this blog please click here: http://adhdvancouver.blogspot.ca/2014/07/adult-adhd-testing-and-treatment-focus.html

For more information about adult ADHD, including testing, assessment, diagnosis and treatment, please visit my website at www.relatedminds.com/adhd or at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/70682

Dr. Roche is a registered psychologist and registered marriage and family therapist working in Vancouver and Burnaby, British Columbia.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Couples?

( For information on marriage, family and couple therapy please visit the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapist Website: www.therapistlocator.net/member?226046 )

What kind of therapy works best for couples, for people with marriage difficulties or relationship issues? That's hard to say, the answer really is: "It depends." Most people seeking couple or marital therapy look for a general counsellor, but first and foremost it's really better to find someone specifically trained in couple, marriage and family therapy. While many counsellors and therapists claim they do "couples work" many don't have very limited training in the field. A Registered Marriage and Family Therapist (RMFT), unlike a "counsellor," has 2 years of supervised experience in the specific field of marriage and family therapy.  Either go with an RMFT or ask and expect significant education and supervised experience in couples work. 

Besides having a significant amount of supervised experience you also want to know what "kind" of therapy your therapist does. Some people say, "I do CBT - cognitive behavioural therapy - but their training consisted of only a weekend workshop or one course. If your therapist says, "I do CBT," ask how much supervision in CBT they received. A good CBT therapist should have many months of supervised experience just in CBT.

And is CBT a good method for marriage or relational problems? Sometimes, and sometimes not. It depends upon what is causing the issues you are having as a couple. Right now CBT - cognitive behavioural therapy, and ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - are two of the most frequently used "methods" in the field of marriage and family therapy. Snother more recent therapy is Dr. John Gottman's approach - just called Gottman Couple Therapy. Again, most people doing Gottman Therapy should have some real training in this, and in spite of the fact you find people all over the internet offering Gottman Therapy, few have actual training in it. A therapist who offers Gottman Training should have at least completed parts 1 and 2 or the Gottman Training Program. Some therapist who are very interested in the Gottman technique complete a third level of training and submit to having some of their cases supervised. They complete an advanced training program and this can ultimately lead to certification in the Gottman Method.

Most therapy methods don't have route to certification, but it is a good idea for those who have little academic of therapeutic background. 

Another method you may hear about, especially from individuals who are trained traditionally in marriage and family therapy is "systemic" therapy. Systemic might mean a general approach to you as a couple thinking in terms of "systems" or a more specific therapy method called "Systemic." Thera are dozens of variation, Systematic Therapy, Bowen Family Therapy, Ackerman Therapy taught at the Ackerman Institute in New York. But in general, these are the most common forms of family therapy: CBT, ACT, Gottman, Systemic.

CBT is one of the more evidence based therapies, but some people are not familiar with it's use with couples. CBT, as the name suggests, is about what we think - our cognitions. CBT therapists believe that how we think about something leads to what we feel and that leads to how we act. Two different people can have two very different reactions to the same situation or event. The meaning we assign something affects how we feel and act in a situation. What we think is called a "script" or "automatic thought." We pick up these scripts over time and they can create real problems when we react to every situation by interpreting it in an irrational manner -we see situations in black and white, all or nothing -  projecting out how we think things will turn out - or assume what others mean based upon past experiences.

AnxietyBC has an excellent overview of CBT - Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and I suggest you look at their web page to get some good examples that put this theory in to real life situations. 

Most people think of CBT as a therapy method for individuals, but it is not limited to individuals. I have combined CBT and Gottman techniques for years, especially when working on the relationship requires first and foremost getting both parties to speak the same language and move away from false assumptions.

You can find a number of books of couples issues and CBT on line, and at the website of the Albert Ellis Institute, where I did my advanced training in CBT - Albert Ellis was the first to use these terms but CBT was called Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy back then - REBT.  The other major figure in the field you are more likely to hear about is Dr. Aaron Beck. Dr. Ellis put his efforts into training therapists, and Dr. Beck put his early efforts into research proving the effectiveness of CBT.

As the AnxietyBC website states: "CBT is an evidence based psychological treatment proven to be effective through rigorous scientific research. This means that CBT is not based on what people think might work, but on what has been proven to work."

Research on CBT has shown it to be effective with a wide range of problems - depression, anxiety, chronic pain, disordered eating, low self esteem, anger management issues, . If your having trouble with your relationship these a very likely part of the issue, and often it is very difficult to deal with a couple's relational issues while anxiety, fear, anger and irrational thinking are in the way. So CBT makes an effective companion to other therapy techniques aimed at dealing with communication and feelings.

If you are interested in reading about CBT and marriage counselling or couple's therapy Dr. Aaron Beck has an excellent book called, " Love is Never Enough."  It has many insights, lots of great advice and exercises to help with a failing marriage of make a good relationship better.

For information about couples counselling, marriage or family therapy in my Burnaby office check out the information on my website: http://www.relatedminds.com or at http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

Specific information on my training and certification in the field of couples counselling and marriage and family therapy can be found at the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapist website: www.therapistlocator.net/member?226046

Marriage and Couples Therapy in Burnaby and Coquitlam

Couple, Marriage and Relationship Counselling

I am often called to see couples who want therapy, and the call comes because they are looking for a psychologist to provide therapy for a couple - married or not - and their insurance provider will only pay a Registered Psychologist.  While I usually have time in my schedule in Burnaby for couples seeking counselling, when I don’t I urge them to look not on the BC psychology list, but on the BC Marriage and Family Therapist (RMFT) list because of the unique training and expertise that marriage and family therapists have. Luckily there are many good Registered Marriage and Family Therapists who are also Registered Psychologist, so their extended health care providers will pay for these services. Why do I point this out?

Here is how the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists put it (from the AAMFT website):

What are the qualifications to be a Marriage and Family Therapist?

Marriage and family therapy is a distinct professional discipline with graduate and post graduate programs. Three options are available for those interested in becoming a marriage and family therapist: master's degree (2-3 years), doctoral program (3-5 years), or post-graduate clinical training programs (3-4 years). This means that while a psychologist or “registered counsellor” may say they provide marriage and family therapy, usually they have taken one or two courses in the field and received little if any supervised experience. A Registered Marriage and Family Therapist has 2-5 years of coursework focused on relationships and family work - PLUS two years of supervised experience providing marriage and family therapy. That’s a big difference.

The US Federal government has designated marriage and family therapy as a core mental health profession along with psychiatry, psychology, social work and psychiatric nursing. Currently all 50 US states and most Candian Provinces support and regulate the profession by licensing marriage and family therapists.

The regulatory requirements in most states are substantially equivalent to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists Clinical Membership standards. After graduation from an accredited program, a period - usually two years - of post-degree supervised clinical experience is necessary before licensure or certification. When the supervision period is completed, the therapist can take a state licensing exam, or the national examination for marriage and family therapists conducted by the AAMFT Regulatory Boards. This exam is used as a licensure requirement in most states.

Who are Marriage and Family Therapists?

Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs) are mental health professionals trained in psychotherapy and family systems, and licensed to diagnose and treat mental and emotional disorders within the context of marriage, couples and family systems.

Marriage and family therapists are a highly experienced group of practitioners, with an average of 13 years of clinical practice in the field of marriage and family therapy. They evaluate and treat mental and emotional disorders, other health and behavioral problems, and address a wide array of relationship issues within the context of the family system. 

Marriage and Family Therapists broaden the traditional emphasis on the individual to attend to the nature and role of individuals in primary relationship networks such as marriage and the family.  MFTs take a holistic perspective to health care; they are concerned with the overall, long-term well-being of individuals and their families. 

MFTs have graduate training (a Master's or Doctoral degree) in marriage and family therapy and at least two years of clinical experience. Marriage and family therapists are recognized as a "core" mental health profession, along with psychiatry, psychology, social work and psychiatric nursing. 

Since 1970 there has been a 50-fold increase in the number of marriage and family therapists. At any given time they are treating over 1.8 million people 

A family's patterns of behavior influences the individual and therefore may need to be a part of the treatment plan. In marriage and family therapy, the unit of treatment isn't just the person - even if only a single person is interviewed - it is the set of relationships in which the person is imbedded. 

Marriage and family therapy is:

• brief

• solution-focused

• specific, with attainable therapeutic goals

• designed with the "end in mind."

Marriage and family therapists treat a wide range of serious clinical problems including: depression, marital problems, anxiety, individual psychological problems, and child-parent problems.

Research indicates that marriage and family therapy is as effective, and in some cases more effective than standard and/or individual treatments for many mental health problems such as: adult schizophrenia, affective (mood) disorders, adult alcoholism and drug abuse, children's conduct disorders, adolescent drug abuse, anorexia in young adult women, childhood autism, chronic physical illness in adults and children, and marital distress and conflict.

Marriage and family therapists regularly practice short-term therapy; 12 sessions on average. Nearly 65.6% of the cases are completed within 20 sessions, 87.9% within 50 sessions. Marital/couples therapy (11.5 sessions) and family therapy (9 sessions) both require less time than the average individuated treatment (13 sessions). About half of the treatment provided by marriage and family therapists is one-on-one with the other half divided between marital/couple and family therapy, or a combination of treatments.

Why use a Marriage and Family Therapist?

Research studies repeatedly demonstrate the effectiveness of marriage and family therapy in treating the full range of mental and emotional disorders and health problems. Adolescent drug abuse, depression, alcoholism, obesity and dementia in the elderly -- as well as marital distress and conflict -- are just some of the conditions Marriage and Family Therapists effectively treat.

Studies also show that clients are highly satisfied with services of Marriage and Family Therapists. Clients report marked improvement in work productivity, co-worker relationships, family relationships, partner relationships, emotional health, overall health, social life, and community involvement.

In a recent study, consumers report that marriage and family therapists are the mental health professionals they would most likely recommend to friends. Over 98 percent of clients of marriage and family therapists report therapy services as good or excellent.

After receiving treatment, almost 90% of clients report an improvement in their emotional health, and nearly two-thirds report an improvement in their overall physical health. A majority of clients report an improvement in their functioning at work, and over three-fourths of those receiving marital/couples or family therapy report an improvement in the couple relationship. When a child is the identified patient, parents report that their child's behavior improved in 73.7% of the cases, their ability to get along with other children significantly improved and there was improved performance in school. Marriage and family therapy's prominence in the mental health field has increased due to its brief, solution-focused treatment, its family-centered approach, and its demonstrated effectiveness. Marriage and family therapists are licensed in 46 states and are recognized by the federal government as members of a distinct mental health discipline.

Today more than 50,000 marriage and family therapists treat individuals, couples, and families nationwide. Membership in the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) has grown from 237 members in 1960 to more than 23,000 in 1996. This growth is a result, in part, of renewed public awareness of the value of family life and concern about the increased stresses on families in a rapidly changing world. 

How can I find a Marriage and Family Therapist?

AAMFT Clinical Members meet stringent training and education requirements that qualify them for the independent practice of marriage and family therapy.  AAMFT requires Clinical Members to abide by the AAMFT Code of Ethics, the most stringent ethical code in the marriage and family therapy profession. This code delineates specific ethical behavior and guidelines for members to follow to ensure the ethical treatment of clients. Clinical Membership in the AAMFT signifies an MFT's dedication to his or her ongoing professional development. Each month, AAMFT Clinical Members receive important updates on current clinical and research developments in the field, as well as numerous opportunities throughout the year to attend professional development conferences.

Click here to find a Marriage and Family Therapist today!

For information on my own practice of Marriage and Family Therapy, providing counselling and therapy services to individuals with relationship issues, couples, married couples and entire families, check out my website at www.relatedminds.com or http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

My offices are near Lougheed Town Centre and provide counselling services to individuals in Burnaby, Coquitlam, New Westminster and Maple Ridge. Please see my web page for details.

Couple Therapy and Intimacy

Often couples come in and want some basic help with renewing their sense of desire and intimacy. While Dr. John Gottman speaks in detail about the skills we all need to develop and sustain intimacy, and desire. But almost everyone wants something simple, short and clear. One of the best resources I have found for couples have difficulty with intimacy is this Ted talk by Esther Perel. It's about 20 minutes long, and get's right to the point. Clients have overwhelmingly found this helpful. But don't forget to look at the skills and knowledge provided by Dr. Gottman.




For more information on the services I provide as a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist, and Clinical Fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, please visit my web page at http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

In addition to my Registration as a Marriage and Family Therapist I am also a Registered Psychologist in British Columbia. While MSP does not cover the cost of couples or marriage counselling or therapy, most extended health care services do cover these costs. Please contact your insurance provider for information.

I have offices located in both Burnaby and Vancouver, and provide evening hours for those with complex work schedules. Most information can be found at www.relatedminds.com

Couple and Marriage Therapy: Burnaby / Vancouver

People often come in to my office and scan my book shelf looking for some hint as to what and how I think about relationships. My bookshelf isn't the best place to get that information because I read a lot of books, and don't find all of them very useful. Some things I read about marriage and couple's therapy I find frightening  I originally became licensed in Marriage and Family Therapy in the early 80's. My license was specifically in that field, and so was my training. I trained for a while at the Ackerman Institute in New York, and then studied systemic therapy. Many of the things we did 30 years ago were not evidence based, that is, not scientifically based. In the field of relationship issues many of the leaders in the field worked under someone for years, then developed their own techniques that seemed to work, and then wrote a book about it. And I hate to throw books away, so there are a lot of those books on my selves (although lately I have finally been parting with some.)

For the past few years, actually the past two decades, I've been focused on two major ways of approaching couples and families in therapy. With Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - CBT, and with therapy based upon the work of Dr. John Gottman of Seattle. 

I am not "controlled" or overly "devoted" to a single method of therapy, but I do feel any therapist needs to have a very deep and firm grounding in some theoretical stance. My reasons for using these two methods as my primary way of approaching couples work is simple: these are the two methods most firmly grounded in evidence. Both of these methods have undergone examination and testing and show reasonable levels of success. Many others that you read or hear about have not.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

I don't stick with one method of doing couples therapy because couples often arrive at my office in very different states. Some Registered Marriage and Family Therapists would NEVER see on member of a couple alone, and would always insist on seeing them together. This is a "theoretical" decision on their part. I don't follow theory to that degree as sometimes one member of a couple may not be ready for couples therapy, and at other times the relationship is too fragile to expose the issues at the moment. Sometimes one member of a couple may need Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to get a handle on their irrational thinking processes before we can even begin meeting together (and sometimes I work with one member of a couple and send them to someone else for couples work). Sometimes we need to engage in psychoeducation - as I often work with couples where one member has Aspeger's Disorder or another cognitive disorder. Sometimes one member of the couple, or both, need to develop anger management skills before we can work together. For these reasons I often find myself using cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) with couples in therapy, either before couples therapy starts, in in conjunction with couples therapy.

An excellent book on couple's therapy from a CBT perspective is Beck's "Love is Never Enough." But honestly, it's a long and difficult book for some.  Still, understanding the work of Dr. Aaron Beck is a good place to start.

Gottman Method Couples Therapy

For most couples I suggest reading one of two books by John Gottman 1) "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," and 2) "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail."  These are excellent books that include exercises for couples to engage in help you both analyze your own relationship and apply specific skills to fixing it. These are short, easy to read books, and there are CD and audible.com versions to listen to if you prefer to listen.

The Gottman Method Couples Therapy is an evidence based form of therapy that is delivered in a fairly structured manner so as to attain goals outlined in the therapeutic environment. It helps couples in achieving a deeper sense of understanding, awareness, empathy, and connectedness within their relationships that ultimately leads to heightened intimacy and interpersonal growth. This is a simple process, but one that many couples will find essential to success in their relationship.

By combining therapeutic interventions with evidence based exercises, couples develop the tools necessary to remove the natural walls and defenses that hinder and prohibit effective communication and, most important, bonding. 

Goals and Principles of the Gottman Method

The principle goals of the Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to disarm conflicting verbal communication, to increase intimacy, respect, and affection, to remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy in conflicting situations, and to create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship. The Gottman web page explains this in detail.

Length of Therapy

I often suggest that couples come in weekly for 3-4 weeks, and then every other week for about 6-10 sessions. The number of sessions depends greatly on individual needs.

Cost of Therapy

Couples therapy costs $175.00 per session. While MSP does not cover this cost most extended health care plans do cover some or all. Speak with your provider to find out what they will cover. Most plans will not cover the services of a registered clinical counsellor or register marriage and family therapist. I am both a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist and a Registered Psychologist, therefore most insurance providers will cover the cost of my services.

For more information on marriage therapy or couples / relationship counselling please contact me through my web page at:

http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

http://www.aamft.org/cgi-shl/TWServer.exe?Run:LOCATECN_2:TradeWinds_KEY=420

Marriage and Couple Therapy: Burnaby / Vancouver

Marriage and Family Therapists: The Friendly Mental Health Professionals

I am often called and asked if I will see someone, or a couple, for "couple's therapy," or "marriage counselling."  Most of these calls are because I am a psychologist, and there is an assumption that every mental health professional has the same training and experience and can see anyone. This isn't necessarily so, as marriage and family therapy is a separate field of study and every US State and most Canadian provinces actually license or registered therapists in the field of marriage and family therapy.

Luckily , in addition to my license as a psychologist I am also a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist in British Columbia, and a Fellow and Clinical Member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (BCAMFT and AAMFT).  

A marriage therapist usually holds a graduate degree in marriage and family therapy, and has completed one or two years of full time supervised clinical internship in marriage and family therapy.  This includes60 semester hours of work focused on marriage and family therapy. Most "clinical counsellors" and psychologists have taken one or two courses in this area, and would not qualify to registration in marriage and family therapy.  This doesn't mean they don't have the clinical ability or experience to do marriage and family therapy, but it good to know that there are specially certified experts in the field, many of whom ARE psychologists.

To find a listing of Registered / Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists near you, including those who are additionally Registered / Licensed Psychologist, go to the "Find a Therapist" website of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists by clicking here: http://www.therapistlocator.net/iMIS15/therapistlocator/

To find out more about the differences between the various mental health professionals you can also visit this page, which explains what marriage and family therapists are in comparison to other mental health professionals. Click here: http://www.therapistlocator.net/IMIS15/Content/Consumer_Updates/Marriage_and_Family_Therapists.aspx

Briefly, from that page, you will see that: "Marriage and family therapists are mental health professionals with a minimum of a master’s degree and two years supervised clinical experience. Marriage and family therapists (commonly referred to as MFTs or family therapists) are trained and licensed to independently diagnose and treat mental health and substance abuse problems. Marriage and family therapy is one of the core mental health disciplines and is based on the research and theory that mental illness and family problems are best treated in a family context. Trained in psychotherapy and family systems, marriage and family therapists focus on understanding their clients’ symptoms and interaction patterns within their existing environment. MFTs treat predominantly individuals, but also provide couples, family and group therapy. Whomever the client, Family Therapists treat from a relationship perspective that incorporates family systems."

For more information about my practice as a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist and Fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists you can visit my web page here: http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/ or my home page at http:www.relatedminds.com

I can also be reached at my office by calling 778.998-7975

What is Gottman Method Couples Therapy?

What is Gottman Method Couples Therapy?

Gottman Method Couples Therapy is a form of couple therapy, sometimes called relational therapy of marriage therapy (although you don’t need to be married) which combines more than three decades of Gottman research and clinical practice.

Through research-based interventions and exercises, Gottman Therapy helps couples break through barriers to achieve “greater understanding, connection and intimacy” in their relationships. 

This form of therapy is a structured, goal-oriented, scientifically-based. Intervention strategies are based upon empirical data from Dr. Gottman’s three decades of research with more than 3,000 couples. This research shows us what actually works to help couples achieve a long-term healthy relationship, and what doesn’t (which includes some things we have previously suggested). Gottman Method Couples Therapy was developed out of this research to help couples to do four things:

• Increase respect, affection, and closeness 
• Break through and resolve conflict when they feel stuck
• Generate greater understanding between partners 
• And keep conflict discussions calm 

After becoming a licensed and registered Marriage and Family Therapist I started training in the Gottman method.  Gottman based Couple’s Therapy is now my first recommendation whenever it is an appropriate method. There are times couples may need individual therapy to augment couple therapy, or may need to address specific behavioural or mental health needs. But Gottman Couple Therapy provides an excellent scaffold around which to build an individualized approach to therapy.

Gottman therapy – couple therapy, marriage therapy, family therapy, “plays well” with other techniques, but for the most part addresses most areas of concern a couple may have. Couples come to therapy and can additionally make use of Dr. Gottman’s books, manuals and training DVD’s. If you are considering seeing a marriage and family therapist I would suggest you visit Dr. Gottman’s website, or the Gottman Institute’s YouTube channel and start by looking at the video’s there. It’s a good place to make a start, and make a decision on what kind of therapy would be best for you.

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This post is not meant to provide medical or psychological diagnosis. If you are suffering from symptoms that cause you distress, see your medical doctor or psychologist for help.

More information can be found about my services, which include individual therapy, couples counselling, comprehensive assessments for the diagnosis of ADHD, Learning Disorders, Aspergers and Autism Spectrum Disorder at my web site: www.relatedminds.com

Others sites include:

 http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/70682
 http://psychologists.bc.ca/users/jimroche
 http://psyris.com/drjimroche

 http://www.actcommunity.net/jim-roche.html

Offices are located in Burnaby (serving Coquitlam, New Westminster, Maple Ridge and Surrey) as well as in Vancouver. Call 778.998-7975 for more information.

Infidelity and Couples Therapy (Gottman's Thoughts)

John Gottman points out that it a myth that infidelity, cheating, is the cause of divorce. He reports that 20-25% of people in divorce mediation do say that an affair was a reason for the marriage ending, but THE reason given by nearly 80% of these couples is a "deterioration of intimacy." In fact, researchers (Fisher et al 2009) have found that relationship problems- usually noted as a :deterioration of intimacy" is reported in over 80 percent of cases by men. Other researches have supported this finding. IT starts with a breakdown in the love component of your relationship. The affair is often just the last straw.

There are several other myths about relationships that Gottman addresses in his work and practice as a couples therapist. One big one is that "communications problems" cause marriage problems and conflicts. This sounds good, and sounds simple. The truth is, distressed people communicate quite clearly what they feel and mean.

What Gottman suggests is that couples are never going to learn to "not communicate" the often hurtful and damaging things they say. Rather, what is important is to learn how to properly argue, disagree and differ in wants, needs, ideas and feelings. It's not what they are doing, we all disagree and get upset, instead it's about HOW they do it. Gottman offers clear, understandable tools for fixing this problem, which doesn't include the typical, " Say everything ...."  Instead it's "say what's appropriate, in a way that shows your still committed to the relationship."  In other words, make each other feel safe, especially when angry.

When you think about this, this is a skill any good parent has. They learn how to set limits, correct and when necessary even punish their children without driving a nail through their self esteem. We need to learn to do that with each other.

In happy couples Gottman's research shows that number of positive interaction to negative interactions is 20-1.  Yes, 20-1. In conflicted couples it 5-1. Maybe you thought 5-1 was good enough? Research says that 5-1 is a dangerous place to be. In soon to be divorced couples it's 8-1.  Unhappy couples tend to have a filter that screens out positive events and makes even neutral events look negative.  You need to learn to increase the number of daily positive interactions between you.  And, going back to the beginning of this submission, you need to figure out how to renew the intimacy between you. To do that Gottman uses what are called "Love Maps."

If your interested in learning more about Dr. Gottman and his techniques, yuou can visit his website or just Google him on YouTube. He has his own YouTube channel! You'll find a good number of videos on his practice.  If your interested in seeing me for marriage therapy, couples counselling or family therapy, feel free to call me. More information is available on my website at http://www.relatedminds.com or on my marriage counselling | family therapy page at: http://www.relatedminds.com/couples-therapy

I see couples for therapy in both my Vancouver office (serving Vancouver, West Vancouver, North Vancouver and Richmond) and Burnaby (serving Burnaby, Coquitlam, Port Coquitlam, Port Moody, Maple Ridge, New Westminster, Langley and Surrey). In addition to being a Registered Psychologist in BC I am also a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist (RMFT) with the British Columbia Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, and a Clinical Member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.

Jim Roche
http://www.psychologists.bc.ca/users/jimroche
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Keywords: Marriage therapy, marriage counselling, couple therapy, couple counselling, marriage and family therapist, psychologist, infidelity, cheating, Gottman, Vancouver, Burnaby, Coquitlam, New Westminster

About Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

Often clients come in or call and ask some basic questions about CBT. For instance, ""What is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy?" They've heard about it, or their medical doctor recommended it. So I've posted an introductory video on CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). You might want to look up more about CBT and to help you I would suggest googling CBT, Albert Ellis, Aaron Beck (this video is by his daughter Dr. Judith Beck) or going to wikipedia. These are really good places to start. If you come into the office I'll be suggesting some books, and most likely providing an introductory handout for you. If your concern is about CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) and anxiety a really good place to start would be the web site for AnxietyBC. You can reach that by clicking here. They also have an excellent selection of information for children and adolescents with anxiety, and most of the techniques are similar to what we use with depression.

I hope this introductory information is helpful to those who have questions about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). One final note: Often practitioners claim to "do CBT." They say they have training or a "background" in CBT. Don't be afraid to ask them more about their background, education and experience. Someone providing cognitive behaviour therapy should have several courses and, more importantly, supervised experience doing CBT. They should have had six months or a year of weekly supervised experience. That means someone well trained in CBT watched them doing it, listened to recordings of sessions, and reviewed cases weekly. This is a little different than having attended a 3 day workshop in what is a rather complicated technique. Don't be afraid to ask!

This blog is not offered as medical advice or as a means of diagnosing or treating depression, anxiety, relationship problems or any other disorder. Don't go on line and take any mental health "test." Diagnosis is complex, and it involves not just looking for a list of symptoms, but also ruling out other disorders that might look just like what you suspect. So avoid these on-line "tests" which are nothing more than a collection of symptoms. You need to see a licensed or registered professional for that. Medical doctors can diagnose, but a diagnosis is complex and often they will make a referral to a Registered Psychologist. You can obtain a referral from the British Columbia Psychological Association for a psychologist near you. See a registered professional, either a Registered Psychologist or Registered Marriage and Family Therapist.

My web page lists a number of resources you can make use of yourself in dealing with individual, couple or family issues. Please visit it at www.relatedminds.com, one of my other sites at either Psychology Today, AAMFT, PSYRIS or my professional site.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) assessment and treatment services are offered for individuals, couples, families, children and adolescents in the Burnaby, Vancouver, Coquitlam, Port Moody, New Westminster and Maple Ridge areas of the lower mainland. This includes neuro-developmental assessments, psycho-education and cognitive behaviour therapy. I also provide diagnostic assessments for autism and Asperger's Disorder in my Burnaby office.

Dr. Jim Roche
Registered Psychologist, British Columbia 01610
778.998-7975
www.relatedminds.com (couple/family therapy)

Marriage and Family Therapy Blog

Welcome to the Vancouver Marriage and Family Therapy Blog. Here I will try to provide some basic information on current practices in marriage, family and couples therapy, as well as some specific techniques that any couple might find useful to help their relationship grow.

I am a registered marriage and family therapist in British Columbia, as well as a registered psychologist. Additionally I am a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT) and have licenses in social work and counselling in several other jurisdictions. I have a private practice in the lower mainland with offices in Burnaby and Vancouver. My Burnaby office is located at Lougheed Mall near Port Coquitlam and New Westminster. You can find out more about my practice at my professional website at www.drjimroche.com or at my Psychology Today site. My office hours include evening and weekends.

The next posting will begin with some basic information on marriage and couple therapy. After that I will try to explain some of the new research in the field of marriage therapy and give an explaination of the work of Dr. John Gottman, a leader in the field of marriage and couple's counselling. If you have any specific questions that you feel would be good for the blog just email me.

Key Words: Marriage therapy, marriage counselling, couples counselling, couples therapy, Vancouver, Burnaby, Coquitlam, New Westminster, Port Moody, psychologist, counsellor.