Couples Therapy in Burnaby, Coquitlam and Vancouver

Couples therapy/counselling is provided in my Burnaby and Vancouver offices to deal with relationship issues, depression, anxiety, communications and more specifically, for couples with one or both members dealing with issues such as ADHD, Asperger's or related cognitive dysfunctions.

Gottman Couple's Therapy and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy are the primary interventions methods used.  For more information on these therapies please visit my website or look at these basic outlines available on-line:

Gottman Couple Therapy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Gottman
Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

In addition to being a Registered Psychologist I have also been a Registered and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, hold a separate graduate degree in couple's therapy and hold an Advance Certificate in Cognitive Behavior Therapy (Rational Emotive Therapy) from the Albert Ellis Institute in New York City.

Please visit my website for more information. As a Registered Psychologist my services are usually covered by extended health care plans (however psychological services are not covered by MSP).

http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

For more information about Family Therapists visit:
https://www.aamft.org/imis15/AAMFT/Content/About_AAMFT/Qualifications.aspx?hkey=2d5f6fac-24c6-40fd-b74f-5f3eaf214e55


Key Words:
Couple Counselling, Family Counselling, Marriage Counselling, Marriage Therapy, CBT, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, CBT, Vancouver, Burnaby

Couple, Marriage and Family Therapy: Burnaby / Vancouver

I provide couple, marriage and family therapy in my office in Burnaby, BC.  My office is located with quick accesds to Vancouver, Burnaby, Coquitlam and New Westminster. Office hours are available in the afternoon, evening and some Saturdays.

Couple therapy is based upon the work of Dr. John Gottman, as well as other cognitve-behavioural theraies such as RET (Rational Emotive Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy).

In addition to being a registered psychologist and holding a PhD in clinical psychology, I also hold a graduate degree in marriage and family therapy and completed two years of supervised experience just in couples therapy. I have been a Registered and Licensed Marriage and Family herapist for over two decades and am a Clinical Member and Fellow of the American Association for Marriage and Family Counselling (AAMFT).

I also provide individual therapy for depression, anxiety, workplace stress and OCD. I also have a good number of adult patients with asperger's and autism spectrum disorder who are seen for marriage and relationship counselling.  Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

For more information please visit my web page at:

http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy

www.relatedminds.com

Gottman Couple's Therapy -Marriage and Couples Counselling Explained

About John Gottman
Many therapist in the Northwest use a particular type of therapy called "Gottman Couples Therapy." Unlike some others, Gottman therapy isn't something simply made up, or heavily influenced by a theory. Instead Gottman developed his therapeutic methods by watching and observing couples first hand, through camera and windows at his research centre in Washington state. I really don't know of any other marriage therapy that is so research based rather than theory based.

John Gottman has been conducting this marital therapy research for 25 years, and is a well-respected leader in the field. Gottman has studied what he calls "masters" and "disasters" of marriage, and offers that there are a number of myths about why marriages actually fail that need to be cleared up. Thesauri based upon "theory," which, I have to say, is often just what someone thought and then wrote a book about.

Myths And Truths Of Marital Dysfunction
Myth 1 Affairs cause divorces - 20-25% of mediation groups say an affair was a reason, but the reason given by 80% is deterioration of intimacy. Further, 70% of men and 40% of women had affairs in the 1970's but the numbers are now about equal, largely due to women moving into the work force and having greater access to partners.

Myth 2 Gender differences cause divorce - if this were so, the divorce rate would be 100% for heterosexual couples, and 0% for gay and lesbian couples

Myth 3 Communication problems cause marital conflict - actually, distressed people communicate quite clearly what they feel and mean

Myth 4 No quid pro quo makes for an unsuccessful marriage - the idea is that doing good things for your partner is contractual on getting good things back; research shows this is not the case for ailing couples, but neither is it the case for happy couples either


You will find these ideas fully explained on the Gottman Institute web page at www.gottman.com

So what is true?
Truth 1 Positivity in interactions in happy couples is 20 to 1, in conflicted couples is 5 to 1, and in soon-to-divorce couples is .8 to 1. Watching a couple interact when they are not in conflict is the best way to predict their risk for divorce

Truth 2 Marriages tend to end at one of two times:
5-7 years due to high conflict
10-12 years due to the loss of intimacy and connection
(there is some disagreement with Gottman on this issue, as marriages certainly end before 5-7 years, as well as between 7 and 10 years, but Gottman argues these are critical or high risk times for marriages)

Truth 3 When it comes to arguments, the type of person one partners with (attacker, soother, avoider) is not so important as the mismatch between the couple:
soothers overwhelm avoiders, and you get the distancer-pursuer dynamic
soothers and attackers have little ability to influence each other, little positive sentiment, and a great deal of emotional tension
avoiders and attackers are the worst pairing, with severe distancer-pursuer dynamic

Truth 4 Most problematic issues (69% in fact) don't get solved, they get "managed."



The Basic Gottman Model
Gottman follows a clear but flexible model:
Here is what to do: Move "Gridlock to Dialogue"
Learn-Teach recovery after a fight - sure, you would prefer they avoid nasty fights, but Gottman has found in his research that fighting in and of itself is not the problem. In fact, couples who do not fight at all are more likely to end up divorced.
Learn-Teach six basic social skills
Recognizing (and avoiding) what he calls the 4 Horsemen
Softening startups of interactions
Accepting influence from your partner (especially for men)
Learn how to sooth physiological arousal (relaxation techniques can help partners calm down during heated arguments, but once they are upset, it may take over 20 minutes for the body to slow itself down to calm levels)
Lear to recognize  (and responding to) what Gottman calls "repair attempts" that occur during a conflicted interaction
Learn to compromise

While some of these are technical terms you will learn in Gottman based therapy, or just by reading his books or watching his videos, I bet most of them you could figure out. I suggest you visit his website www.gottman.com, watch some videos available on his website and youtube, and then decide if you'd like a third party - therapist - involved.

Some people come in and do full strength Gottman therapy, usually seeing me weekly for 8-10 weeks, and then some follow up sessions. Some people come in and for one reason or another start couple counselling by having hour or two consult, and go off with their copies of Gottman's books or his self-help DVD set, and come back for "consultations." This isn't easy, but for some its necessary. Finally, some couple come in, learn about Gottman and the process and go off for a weekend or week long training/therapy/consultation session at either the Gottman Institute or with another practitioner who might do weekend long workshop who I suggest.

Whatever you do, I advise you to see a Registered or Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist rather than a "counsellor" with little experience or training in the field. Members of the AAMFT (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy) are highly trained specialists with graduate degrees focused on marriage and family therapy, usually 2 years of supervised experience and in most locations they have passed professional tests in the field (in BC "clinical counsellors are not members of a regulatory body, nor do they take any qualifying exams).  You can learn more about marriage and family therapists at the web site for the BCAMFT (British Columbia Association for Marriage and Family Therapy).

If you are interested in seeing me for marriage and family therapy, I am also a licensed and registered psychologist, and costs are usually covered (to some degree) by your medical plan. Please visit my website at www.relatedminds.com or the marriage and family therapy page at http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

I have offices in Burnaby, Vancouver and Seattle, Washington. Please contact me through my website to set up an appointment.

What is Marriage counselling?

Marriage counselling (couples therapy) is a type of psychotherapy. Marriage counseling helps couples recognize and resolve conflicts, learn new communication and behavioural skills and develop plans to improve their relationships. Through marriage counseling, you can make thoughtful decisions about rebuilding your relationship. In some situations we meet about going your separate ways in the most productive and non-confrontational manner possible, especially important for families with children.

Marriage counseling is often provided by registered therapists known as Registered Marriage and Family Therapists (RMFT in British Columbia, LMFT in Washington State). These therapists have graduate or postgraduate degrees — and many choose to become credentialed by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). Most MFTs have two years of full time supervised clinical experience providing therapy before working independently. (Compared to a required 100 hours by unregulated counsellors).

Marriage counseling is focused and short term. Marriage counseling typically includes both partners, but sometimes one partner chooses to work with a therapist alone. The specific treatment plan depends on the situation. Sometimes entire families participate in sessions.

In my practice I provide marriage and couple's therapy using a selection of therapeutic interventions best suited to your needs. These include Systemic Family Therapy, Gottman Family Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, AKA ACT, a form of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. As a clinician offering marriage and couple counselling I hold a graduate degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, a doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology, an Advanced Certificate in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy from the Albert Ellis Institute in New York as well as a license/registration in Psychology. I have also completed nearly 100 hours of Gottman specific training and have a background in mediation and law.

Please visit my website for information on my services in Marriage and Couple Therapy. I have offices in Burnaby, Vancouver and Seattle, Washington.

http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

Couples Therapy, Vancouver, Burnaby

Dr. Jim Roche is a Registered Psychologist and Marriage and Family Therapist with offices in Burnaby and Vancouver, British Columbia. He has just expanded his office hours and moved to two new locations. Dr. Roche provides cognitive behavioural therapy, Gottman based Marriage and Family Therapy and couple's therapy.  He has been licensed in the field of Marriage and Family Therapy for over 25  years.  Serves are usually covered by extended health care plans.

For further information please visit his web page at www.relatedminds.com or http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

Marriage and Family Counselling | Burnaby | Vancouver | Coquitlam

Gottman based Couple and Family Therapy is available, along with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) in my offices in Burnaby and Vancouver. Gottman Therapy is a structured approach to changing behaviour and communication style between members of a couple or family. I highly advices Dr. Gottman's recent books: "The Seven Principals for Maring Marriage Work," and "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail." Both of these books are available in book form or through Audible.com if you'd rather listen on your iPod, phone or other device.

CBT- Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is another approach often used in my office, either by itself or in combination with Gottman techniques for couple therapy or counselling. Some patients have found Dr. Aaron Beck's "Love is Never Enough" to be very helpful. This book on couple's counselling/therapy comes from a much more behavioural point of view.

Finally, in my office I see a number of couples who have issues relating to Aspger's Disorder as a central concern. I have been working with young adults and adults with Aspeger's for over twenty years, first starting in California working with Michelle Garcia Winner. While there is a limited number of books for adults with Asperger's Disorder David Finch's book, "The Journal of Best Practices," which is a "memoir of marriage, Asperger's Syndrome and one man's quest to be a better husband" has been found to be very useful. I also spend a great deal of time working with couples with ADHD, OCD and related cognitive disorders, making use of my post graduate training in neuropsychology as well as marriage/couple and family therapy. In addition to being a registered and licensed psychologist I am additionally a registered marriage and family therapist and Fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy and a Clinical Member of the British Columbia Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (Counsellors)/

For more information please visit my web page below, and feel free to call my office. Other sites which have information about my practice are also listed below.

Dr. Jim Roche
relatedminds (at) gmail.com

You can find me at any of the following pages:

http://psyris.com/drjimroche

http://www.relatedminds.com

http://www.actcommunity.ca/profiles/224/

http://www.psychologists.bc.ca/users/jimroche

www.therapistlocator.net/member?226046

Couple and Marriage Therapy in Vancouver | Burnaby

Dr. Jim Roche is a Registered Psychologist and Marriage and Family Therapist providing counselling and therapy to individuals, couples and families in Burnaby and Vancouver. Dr. Roche also provides parent education/training for parents dealing with behavioural problems, including those relating to ADHD and ASD or Aspeger's Disorder. He also specializes in working with adults and couples where one or both of the couple have ASD or Aspeger's Disorder. He has been working in the field for over 20 years.

For more information on Marriage, Couple and Family Therapy visit Dr. Roches web page at www.relatedminds.com or the web page for the British Columbia Association for Marriage and Family Therapists.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Couples?

( For information on marriage, family and couple therapy please visit the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapist Website: www.therapistlocator.net/member?226046 )

What kind of therapy works best for couples, for people with marriage difficulties or relationship issues? That's hard to say, the answer really is: "It depends." Most people seeking couple or marital therapy look for a general counsellor, but first and foremost it's really better to find someone specifically trained in couple, marriage and family therapy. While many counsellors and therapists claim they do "couples work" many don't have very limited training in the field. A Registered Marriage and Family Therapist (RMFT), unlike a "counsellor," has 2 years of supervised experience in the specific field of marriage and family therapy.  Either go with an RMFT or ask and expect significant education and supervised experience in couples work. 

Besides having a significant amount of supervised experience you also want to know what "kind" of therapy your therapist does. Some people say, "I do CBT - cognitive behavioural therapy - but their training consisted of only a weekend workshop or one course. If your therapist says, "I do CBT," ask how much supervision in CBT they received. A good CBT therapist should have many months of supervised experience just in CBT.

And is CBT a good method for marriage or relational problems? Sometimes, and sometimes not. It depends upon what is causing the issues you are having as a couple. Right now CBT - cognitive behavioural therapy, and ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - are two of the most frequently used "methods" in the field of marriage and family therapy. Snother more recent therapy is Dr. John Gottman's approach - just called Gottman Couple Therapy. Again, most people doing Gottman Therapy should have some real training in this, and in spite of the fact you find people all over the internet offering Gottman Therapy, few have actual training in it. A therapist who offers Gottman Training should have at least completed parts 1 and 2 or the Gottman Training Program. Some therapist who are very interested in the Gottman technique complete a third level of training and submit to having some of their cases supervised. They complete an advanced training program and this can ultimately lead to certification in the Gottman Method.

Most therapy methods don't have route to certification, but it is a good idea for those who have little academic of therapeutic background. 

Another method you may hear about, especially from individuals who are trained traditionally in marriage and family therapy is "systemic" therapy. Systemic might mean a general approach to you as a couple thinking in terms of "systems" or a more specific therapy method called "Systemic." Thera are dozens of variation, Systematic Therapy, Bowen Family Therapy, Ackerman Therapy taught at the Ackerman Institute in New York. But in general, these are the most common forms of family therapy: CBT, ACT, Gottman, Systemic.

CBT is one of the more evidence based therapies, but some people are not familiar with it's use with couples. CBT, as the name suggests, is about what we think - our cognitions. CBT therapists believe that how we think about something leads to what we feel and that leads to how we act. Two different people can have two very different reactions to the same situation or event. The meaning we assign something affects how we feel and act in a situation. What we think is called a "script" or "automatic thought." We pick up these scripts over time and they can create real problems when we react to every situation by interpreting it in an irrational manner -we see situations in black and white, all or nothing -  projecting out how we think things will turn out - or assume what others mean based upon past experiences.

AnxietyBC has an excellent overview of CBT - Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and I suggest you look at their web page to get some good examples that put this theory in to real life situations. 

Most people think of CBT as a therapy method for individuals, but it is not limited to individuals. I have combined CBT and Gottman techniques for years, especially when working on the relationship requires first and foremost getting both parties to speak the same language and move away from false assumptions.

You can find a number of books of couples issues and CBT on line, and at the website of the Albert Ellis Institute, where I did my advanced training in CBT - Albert Ellis was the first to use these terms but CBT was called Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy back then - REBT.  The other major figure in the field you are more likely to hear about is Dr. Aaron Beck. Dr. Ellis put his efforts into training therapists, and Dr. Beck put his early efforts into research proving the effectiveness of CBT.

As the AnxietyBC website states: "CBT is an evidence based psychological treatment proven to be effective through rigorous scientific research. This means that CBT is not based on what people think might work, but on what has been proven to work."

Research on CBT has shown it to be effective with a wide range of problems - depression, anxiety, chronic pain, disordered eating, low self esteem, anger management issues, . If your having trouble with your relationship these a very likely part of the issue, and often it is very difficult to deal with a couple's relational issues while anxiety, fear, anger and irrational thinking are in the way. So CBT makes an effective companion to other therapy techniques aimed at dealing with communication and feelings.

If you are interested in reading about CBT and marriage counselling or couple's therapy Dr. Aaron Beck has an excellent book called, " Love is Never Enough."  It has many insights, lots of great advice and exercises to help with a failing marriage of make a good relationship better.

For information about couples counselling, marriage or family therapy in my Burnaby office check out the information on my website: http://www.relatedminds.com or at http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

Specific information on my training and certification in the field of couples counselling and marriage and family therapy can be found at the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapist website: www.therapistlocator.net/member?226046

Marriage and Couples Therapy in Burnaby and Coquitlam

Couple, Marriage and Relationship Counselling

I am often called to see couples who want therapy, and the call comes because they are looking for a psychologist to provide therapy for a couple - married or not - and their insurance provider will only pay a Registered Psychologist.  While I usually have time in my schedule in Burnaby for couples seeking counselling, when I don’t I urge them to look not on the BC psychology list, but on the BC Marriage and Family Therapist (RMFT) list because of the unique training and expertise that marriage and family therapists have. Luckily there are many good Registered Marriage and Family Therapists who are also Registered Psychologist, so their extended health care providers will pay for these services. Why do I point this out?

Here is how the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists put it (from the AAMFT website):

What are the qualifications to be a Marriage and Family Therapist?

Marriage and family therapy is a distinct professional discipline with graduate and post graduate programs. Three options are available for those interested in becoming a marriage and family therapist: master's degree (2-3 years), doctoral program (3-5 years), or post-graduate clinical training programs (3-4 years). This means that while a psychologist or “registered counsellor” may say they provide marriage and family therapy, usually they have taken one or two courses in the field and received little if any supervised experience. A Registered Marriage and Family Therapist has 2-5 years of coursework focused on relationships and family work - PLUS two years of supervised experience providing marriage and family therapy. That’s a big difference.

The US Federal government has designated marriage and family therapy as a core mental health profession along with psychiatry, psychology, social work and psychiatric nursing. Currently all 50 US states and most Candian Provinces support and regulate the profession by licensing marriage and family therapists.

The regulatory requirements in most states are substantially equivalent to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists Clinical Membership standards. After graduation from an accredited program, a period - usually two years - of post-degree supervised clinical experience is necessary before licensure or certification. When the supervision period is completed, the therapist can take a state licensing exam, or the national examination for marriage and family therapists conducted by the AAMFT Regulatory Boards. This exam is used as a licensure requirement in most states.

Who are Marriage and Family Therapists?

Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs) are mental health professionals trained in psychotherapy and family systems, and licensed to diagnose and treat mental and emotional disorders within the context of marriage, couples and family systems.

Marriage and family therapists are a highly experienced group of practitioners, with an average of 13 years of clinical practice in the field of marriage and family therapy. They evaluate and treat mental and emotional disorders, other health and behavioral problems, and address a wide array of relationship issues within the context of the family system. 

Marriage and Family Therapists broaden the traditional emphasis on the individual to attend to the nature and role of individuals in primary relationship networks such as marriage and the family.  MFTs take a holistic perspective to health care; they are concerned with the overall, long-term well-being of individuals and their families. 

MFTs have graduate training (a Master's or Doctoral degree) in marriage and family therapy and at least two years of clinical experience. Marriage and family therapists are recognized as a "core" mental health profession, along with psychiatry, psychology, social work and psychiatric nursing. 

Since 1970 there has been a 50-fold increase in the number of marriage and family therapists. At any given time they are treating over 1.8 million people 

A family's patterns of behavior influences the individual and therefore may need to be a part of the treatment plan. In marriage and family therapy, the unit of treatment isn't just the person - even if only a single person is interviewed - it is the set of relationships in which the person is imbedded. 

Marriage and family therapy is:

• brief

• solution-focused

• specific, with attainable therapeutic goals

• designed with the "end in mind."

Marriage and family therapists treat a wide range of serious clinical problems including: depression, marital problems, anxiety, individual psychological problems, and child-parent problems.

Research indicates that marriage and family therapy is as effective, and in some cases more effective than standard and/or individual treatments for many mental health problems such as: adult schizophrenia, affective (mood) disorders, adult alcoholism and drug abuse, children's conduct disorders, adolescent drug abuse, anorexia in young adult women, childhood autism, chronic physical illness in adults and children, and marital distress and conflict.

Marriage and family therapists regularly practice short-term therapy; 12 sessions on average. Nearly 65.6% of the cases are completed within 20 sessions, 87.9% within 50 sessions. Marital/couples therapy (11.5 sessions) and family therapy (9 sessions) both require less time than the average individuated treatment (13 sessions). About half of the treatment provided by marriage and family therapists is one-on-one with the other half divided between marital/couple and family therapy, or a combination of treatments.

Why use a Marriage and Family Therapist?

Research studies repeatedly demonstrate the effectiveness of marriage and family therapy in treating the full range of mental and emotional disorders and health problems. Adolescent drug abuse, depression, alcoholism, obesity and dementia in the elderly -- as well as marital distress and conflict -- are just some of the conditions Marriage and Family Therapists effectively treat.

Studies also show that clients are highly satisfied with services of Marriage and Family Therapists. Clients report marked improvement in work productivity, co-worker relationships, family relationships, partner relationships, emotional health, overall health, social life, and community involvement.

In a recent study, consumers report that marriage and family therapists are the mental health professionals they would most likely recommend to friends. Over 98 percent of clients of marriage and family therapists report therapy services as good or excellent.

After receiving treatment, almost 90% of clients report an improvement in their emotional health, and nearly two-thirds report an improvement in their overall physical health. A majority of clients report an improvement in their functioning at work, and over three-fourths of those receiving marital/couples or family therapy report an improvement in the couple relationship. When a child is the identified patient, parents report that their child's behavior improved in 73.7% of the cases, their ability to get along with other children significantly improved and there was improved performance in school. Marriage and family therapy's prominence in the mental health field has increased due to its brief, solution-focused treatment, its family-centered approach, and its demonstrated effectiveness. Marriage and family therapists are licensed in 46 states and are recognized by the federal government as members of a distinct mental health discipline.

Today more than 50,000 marriage and family therapists treat individuals, couples, and families nationwide. Membership in the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) has grown from 237 members in 1960 to more than 23,000 in 1996. This growth is a result, in part, of renewed public awareness of the value of family life and concern about the increased stresses on families in a rapidly changing world. 

How can I find a Marriage and Family Therapist?

AAMFT Clinical Members meet stringent training and education requirements that qualify them for the independent practice of marriage and family therapy.  AAMFT requires Clinical Members to abide by the AAMFT Code of Ethics, the most stringent ethical code in the marriage and family therapy profession. This code delineates specific ethical behavior and guidelines for members to follow to ensure the ethical treatment of clients. Clinical Membership in the AAMFT signifies an MFT's dedication to his or her ongoing professional development. Each month, AAMFT Clinical Members receive important updates on current clinical and research developments in the field, as well as numerous opportunities throughout the year to attend professional development conferences.

Click here to find a Marriage and Family Therapist today!

For information on my own practice of Marriage and Family Therapy, providing counselling and therapy services to individuals with relationship issues, couples, married couples and entire families, check out my website at www.relatedminds.com or http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

My offices are near Lougheed Town Centre and provide counselling services to individuals in Burnaby, Coquitlam, New Westminster and Maple Ridge. Please see my web page for details.

Couple Therapy and Intimacy

Often couples come in and want some basic help with renewing their sense of desire and intimacy. While Dr. John Gottman speaks in detail about the skills we all need to develop and sustain intimacy, and desire. But almost everyone wants something simple, short and clear. One of the best resources I have found for couples have difficulty with intimacy is this Ted talk by Esther Perel. It's about 20 minutes long, and get's right to the point. Clients have overwhelmingly found this helpful. But don't forget to look at the skills and knowledge provided by Dr. Gottman.




For more information on the services I provide as a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist, and Clinical Fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, please visit my web page at http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

In addition to my Registration as a Marriage and Family Therapist I am also a Registered Psychologist in British Columbia. While MSP does not cover the cost of couples or marriage counselling or therapy, most extended health care services do cover these costs. Please contact your insurance provider for information.

I have offices located in both Burnaby and Vancouver, and provide evening hours for those with complex work schedules. Most information can be found at www.relatedminds.com

Couple Counselling and Marriage Counselling: Beginning with Gottman Couples Therapy

Where to start with Gottman Couples Therapy? I often suggest at our first couples/marriage therapy session that both members take a look through John Gottman's YouTube page and view several videos. Reading a book, especially while having relational problems, isn't easy.  And sometimes when we are reading about about behaviour, and we are reading it because of problems we are having with our spouse, we read and do little more than find what's wrong with them! - watching these videos, together - can be helpful.

Having trouble in a relationship means examining both yourself and the relationship. A difficult thing to do. And it means making some behavioural changes NOW, because our partners expect us to make some effort...right away. And they are watching. And trying to make changes themselves. All of this can be difficult and usually calls for the coaching and guidance of a professional training in couple and marriage therapy.

Still, watching the video of John Gottman and his wife working through these issues with others can be very helpful, and you will feel the support of having others in the same place as you...moving forward.

This video is only one of several on the internet. There are also videos that are more comprehensive and come in a "marriage and family workshop" format that formally walk you through the important steps of therapy. As a marriage and family therapist it is my goal to help you find resource and skills you can use on your own to address problems not only now, but in the future, and I work as quickly as possible at moving you from weekly sessions to a more informal coaching relationship were you can work on your relationship or marriage on your own. These videos are a great place to start.



In marriage or couples therapy sessions we work through many of the issues you will hear about on these videos. We also focus, intensely, on changing they way you interact and communicate in yor relationship.

Other books and videos I suggest about Marriage and Couples counselling can be found at my Amazon.ca Book List. Click here Dr. Roche Book Suggestions

Finally, for more information about my services, not only as a Registered Psychologist but also as a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist you can visit my web site directly at this link: Dr. Jim Roche at RelatedMinds  My American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy site is located at this link: AAMFT.

For those viewing the videos I also share an outline to help you understand the terms and components of what Dr. Gottman is speaking about.

Feel free to contact me for more information.

Dr. Jim Roche

Marriage and Couple Therapy: Burnaby / Vancouver

Marriage and Family Therapists: The Friendly Mental Health Professionals

I am often called and asked if I will see someone, or a couple, for "couple's therapy," or "marriage counselling."  Most of these calls are because I am a psychologist, and there is an assumption that every mental health professional has the same training and experience and can see anyone. This isn't necessarily so, as marriage and family therapy is a separate field of study and every US State and most Canadian provinces actually license or registered therapists in the field of marriage and family therapy.

Luckily , in addition to my license as a psychologist I am also a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist in British Columbia, and a Fellow and Clinical Member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (BCAMFT and AAMFT).  

A marriage therapist usually holds a graduate degree in marriage and family therapy, and has completed one or two years of full time supervised clinical internship in marriage and family therapy.  This includes60 semester hours of work focused on marriage and family therapy. Most "clinical counsellors" and psychologists have taken one or two courses in this area, and would not qualify to registration in marriage and family therapy.  This doesn't mean they don't have the clinical ability or experience to do marriage and family therapy, but it good to know that there are specially certified experts in the field, many of whom ARE psychologists.

To find a listing of Registered / Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists near you, including those who are additionally Registered / Licensed Psychologist, go to the "Find a Therapist" website of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists by clicking here: http://www.therapistlocator.net/iMIS15/therapistlocator/

To find out more about the differences between the various mental health professionals you can also visit this page, which explains what marriage and family therapists are in comparison to other mental health professionals. Click here: http://www.therapistlocator.net/IMIS15/Content/Consumer_Updates/Marriage_and_Family_Therapists.aspx

Briefly, from that page, you will see that: "Marriage and family therapists are mental health professionals with a minimum of a master’s degree and two years supervised clinical experience. Marriage and family therapists (commonly referred to as MFTs or family therapists) are trained and licensed to independently diagnose and treat mental health and substance abuse problems. Marriage and family therapy is one of the core mental health disciplines and is based on the research and theory that mental illness and family problems are best treated in a family context. Trained in psychotherapy and family systems, marriage and family therapists focus on understanding their clients’ symptoms and interaction patterns within their existing environment. MFTs treat predominantly individuals, but also provide couples, family and group therapy. Whomever the client, Family Therapists treat from a relationship perspective that incorporates family systems."

For more information about my practice as a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist and Fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists you can visit my web page here: http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/ or my home page at http:www.relatedminds.com

I can also be reached at my office by calling 778.998-7975

About Couple Counselling and Marriage Therapy

I am often asked about the differences between a Psychologist and a Marriage and Family Therapist ( I am licensed | Registered in both fields). You can find this information on the web page of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists here:

http://www.aamft.org/imis15/Content/About_AAMFT/Qualifications.aspx

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What are the qualifications to be a Marriage and Family Therapist?

Marriage and family therapy is a distinct professional discipline with graduate and post graduate programs. Three options are available for those interested in becoming a marriage and family therapist: master's degree (2-3 years), doctoral program (3-5 years), or post-graduate clinical training programs (3-4 years). Historically, marriage and family therapists have come from a wide variety of educational backgrounds including psychology, psychiatry, social work, nursing, pastoral counseling and education. 

The Federal government has designated marriage and family therapy as a core mental health profession along with psychiatry, psychology, social work and psychiatric nursing. Currently all 50 states support and regulate the profession by licensing marriage and family therapists with the remaining states in the process of obtaining licensure laws.

The regulatory requirements in most states are substantially equivalent to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists Clinical Membership standards. After graduation from an accredited program, a period - usually two years - of post-degree supervised clinical experience is necessary before licensure or certification. When the supervision period is completed, the therapist can take a state licensing exam, or the national examination for marriage and family therapists conducted by the AAMFT Regulatory Boards. This exam is used as a licensure requirement in most states and provinces.

Who are Marriage and Family Therapists?

Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs) are mental health professionals trained in psychotherapy and family systems, and licensed to diagnose and treat mental and emotional disorders within the context of marriage, couples and family systems.

Marriage and family therapists are a highly experienced group of practitioners, with an average of 13 years of clinical practice in the field of marriage and family therapy. They evaluate and treat mental and emotional disorders, other health and behavioral problems, and address a wide array of relationship issues within the context of the family system. 

Marriage and Family Therapists broaden the traditional emphasis on the individual to attend to the nature and role of individuals in primary relationship networks such as marriage and the family.  MFTs take a holistic perspective to health care; they are concerned with the overall, long-term well-being of individuals and their families. 

MFTs have graduate training (a Master's or Doctoral degree) in marriage and family therapy and at least two years of clinical experience. Marriage and family therapists are recognized as a "core" mental health profession, along with psychiatry, psychology, social work and psychiatric nursing. 

Since 1970 there has been a 50-fold increase in the number of marriage and family therapists. At any given time they are treating over 1.8 million people.

What is Marriage and Family Therapy? 
A family's patterns of behavior influences the individual and therefore may need to be a part of the treatment plan. In marriage and family therapy, the unit of treatment isn't just the person - even if only a single person is interviewed - it is the set of relationships in which the person is imbedded. 

Marriage and family therapy is:

• brief
• solution-focused
• specific, with attainable therapeutic goals
• designed with the "end in mind."

Marriage and family therapists treat a wide range of serious clinical problems including: depression, marital problems, anxiety, individual psychological problems, and child-parent problems. 

Research indicates that marriage and family therapy is as effective, and in some cases more effective than standard and/or individual treatments for many mental health problems such as: adult schizophrenia, affective (mood) disorders, adult alcoholism and drug abuse, children's conduct disorders, adolescent drug abuse, anorexia in young adult women, childhood autism, chronic physical illness in adults and children, and marital distress and conflict. 

Marriage and family therapists regularly practice short-term therapy; 12 sessions on average. Nearly 65.6% of the cases are completed within 20 sessions, 87.9% within 50 sessions. Marital/couples therapy (11.5 sessions) and family therapy (9 sessions) both require less time than the average individuated treatment (13 sessions). About half of the treatment provided by marriage and family therapists is one-on-one with the other half divided between marital/couple and family therapy, or a combination of treatments. 

Why use a Marriage and Family Therapist?

Research studies repeatedly demonstrate the effectiveness of marriage and family therapy in treating the full range of mental and emotional disorders and health problems. Adolescent drug abuse, depression, alcoholism, obesity and dementia in the elderly -- as well as marital distress and conflict -- are just some of the conditions Marriage and Family Therapists effectively treat.

Studies also show that clients are highly satisfied with services of Marriage and Family Therapists. Clients report marked improvement in work productivity, co-worker relationships, family relationships, partner relationships, emotional health, overall health, social life, and community involvement.

In a recent study, consumers report that marriage and family therapists are the mental health professionals they would most likely recommend to friends. Over 98 percent of clients of marriage and family therapists report therapy services as good or excellent.

After receiving treatment, almost 90% of clients report an improvement in their emotional health, and nearly two-thirds report an improvement in their overall physical health. A majority of clients report an improvement in their functioning at work, and over three-fourths of those receiving marital/couples or family therapy report an improvement in the couple relationship. When a child is the identified patient, parents report that their child's behavior improved in 73.7% of the cases, their ability to get along with other children significantly improved and there was improved performance in school. Marriage and family therapy's prominence in the mental health field has increased due to its brief, solution-focused treatment, its family-centered approach, and its demonstrated effectiveness. Marriage and family therapists are licensed in 46 states and are recognized by the federal government as members of a distinct mental health discipline.

Today more than 50,000 marriage and family therapists treat individuals, couples, and families nationwide. Membership in the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) has grown from 237 members in 1960 to more than 23,000 in 1996. This growth is a result, in part, of renewed public awareness of the value of family life and concern about the increased stresses on families in a rapidly changing world. 

How can I find a Marriage and Family Therapist?

AAMFT Clinical Members meet stringent training and education requirements that qualify them for the independent practice of marriage and family therapy.  AAMFT requires Clinical Members to abide by the AAMFT Code of Ethics, the most stringent ethical code in the marriage and family therapy profession. This code delineates specific ethical behavior and guidelines for members to follow to ensure the ethical treatment of clients. Clinical Membership in the AAMFT signifies an MFT's dedication to his or her ongoing professional development. Each month, AAMFT Clinical Members receive important updates on current clinical and research developments in the field, as well as numerous opportunities throughout the year to attend professional development conferences.

Click here to find a Marriage and Family Therapist today!

I have been practicing in the field of Marriage and Family Therapy, providing couple, individual and family therapy for over 25 years. Visit my web site for information about my qualifications and services at: www.relatedminds.com​

Marriage and Family Therapy: What's a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist?

Today I got another email asking for a psychologist who does "marriage therapy." I get these all the time and I try to redirect couples or families to the British Columbia Association of Marriage and Family Therapists where they will find a psychologist whio is also a marriage and family therapist. Why do I do this? Because marriage and family therapy is a distict profession. It's different than social work, counselling or psychology - although any of these individuals might have expertise in counselling couples or families. Here is what the Canadian Association of Marriage and Family Therapy says on their web page:

"Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) is a distinct mental health discipline which utilizes family systems theories and intervention techniques, and is one of the five core mental health professions: marriage and family therapy, psychiatry, psychology, social work and psychiatric nursing."

It's not just a course or workshop another counselling professional has taken, it is a separate and distinct field of practice. The Canadian site goes on to say:

"Registered Marriage and Family Therapists (RMFT) are family-focused psychotherapists. They are relationship specialists and mental health generalists, and are trained to help individuals, couples, and families resolve personal and work related problems. Members have training in the development stages of personal, family and relationship growth. RMFT’s are held to the demanding Code of Ethics of The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) and are Clinical Fellows of the AAMFT and the Registry of Marriage and Family Therapists in Canada."

That means they have a separate graduate degree focused on the theories and skills of marriage therapy. This is usually a two or three year graduate program leading to an MA or MS degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. In addition to that they have one or two full time years of supervised experience practicing marriage and family therapy. Many other professionals providing counselling to couples and families have completed a few courses or workshop, and worked with a few couples during their internship. A marriage and family therapist -here in BC called a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist, have one or two years of focused work in coupoles and family therapy. That's a big difference.

To find a Registered Marriage or Family Therapist here in BC go to the web site of the British Columbia Associate or Marriage and Family Therapists at: http://www.bcamft.bc.ca/ohana/website/index.cfm?p=95575656796  

You will find the "Therapist Locator" on that page. Many BCAMFT members are not only family therapists but Registered Psychologists as well. If your insurance will only pay for a registered psychologist (something you may find they are flexible about if you call) you can get the benefits of seeing a fully trained marriage and family therapist and a Registered Psychologist all at once! 

For information about my services as a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist, as well as a Registered Psychologist, please visit my website at www.relatedminds.com or http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/

 More information from the Canadian Association of Marriage and Family Therapists:

Services provided by Marriage & Family Therapists include;

Assessment and treatment of mental and emotional health, and family health Individual psychotherapy Relationship counselling Couple and Marriage Therapy Family Therapy Group psychotherapy Premarital education   marital enrichment Locate a therapist anywhere in Canada or the USA click here.

Gottman Couples Counselling

Answering calls from individuals looking for a couples counsellor or marriage therapist I am often asked ifI am a Registered Psychologist, rather than a Marriage and Family Therapist. This is important to many people because their extended health care plans only cover couple's therapy, relation counselling and marriage counselling offered by a Registered Psychologist, and not by a Registered Clinical Counsellor. They often wonder why and the answer is pretty simply: Registered Clinical Counsellors in BC are not actually "Registered" or regulated by the government, as are medical doctors and psychologists. They don't have a regulatory body but instead have an association which they have membership in. This is important to some insurance companies, and not to others, as a quality control issue. But still, I'm surprised so few people ask me about being a "Family Therapist." Here in BC, besides RCCs or "Clinical Counsellors," and Registered Psychologists we have a third important group of trained professionals, "Registered Marriage and Family Therapists" or RMFT. For information on how to find a RMFT near you I recommend visiting the British Columbia Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (BCAMFT) at this web site: http://www.bcamft.bc.ca/

One important issue to remember is that if your extended health care will only pay for services from a Registered Psychologist and your after marriage counselling or relationship therapy, many Registered Psychologists are also RMFT here in BC. Cross Registration is not unusual. That may serve as a solution to getting someone who qualifies under your insurance program AND is an expert in marriage and family therapy. Marriage counselling, marriage therapy and family therapy is a separate license in most US states and provinces in Canada because it's a specialized field of practice involving specific training in family therapy, couple counselling and 'systemic" based theory and practice.

The next most frequent question I get about couples counselling and therapy is "Are you trained in the Gottman method?" The Gottman method for marriage and family counselling or therapy is a very specific set of training, theory, practice and expertise. John Gottman began working with couples over 25 years ago, and unlike other counsellors and therapist who came to the problem of working with couples and relationships from a clinical point of view John Gottman started as a researcher and then became a therapist. He moved from theory and science based practice to therapy itself. John Gottman prides himself upon his "scientific" basis for his practice. Not everyone would agree that his research is as important and different from other ways of doing couple's counselling and marriage therapy, but overall after looking at what he has done and comparing it to other theories and practices in counselling it is far more research and science based. Not perfect, but so obviously better.

Because of this many couples want to use the "Gottman technique" in working on their marriages.

His theories would fall under the "communications, negotiation and conflict resolution" school of couple counselling. What you can expect when working with a therapist or counsellor using the Gottman method is  this: "Successful conflict resolution isn't what makes marriages work." That's a somewhat new and different point of view. Most couples come to counselling and therapy expecting that the primary ...sometimes the only goal of counselling and therapy is learn how to solve conflicts successfully. Gottman says there is more to a healthy marriage or relationship than that.

What Gottman actually says is that if you do this simple and basic things your marriage will work, conflicts or no conflicts. That thing is: Increase positive interactions. It's as simple as that, and as hard as that. This is not a new concept, and has been around as part of basic parent education programs for decades. Increasing positive interactions comes BEFORE solving conflict issues because doing this makes the solving easier, more likely and sometimes not even necessary. (Not necessary because the truth is most conflicts in most relationships aren't solved anyway, we most often agree to disagree. When we can't, there are other problems going on and it's not necessarily a problem with communication or conflict resolution -again- because in real life people learn to disagree.)

What are the ways that we can increase the positive interactions in our relationship?  First, Gottman says we need to know each other. We have to learn, or perhaps re-learn and become aware of again - each other's like's and dislikes, wishes, dreams and hopes. We don't have to share these, we need to know our partners. Second, we need to focus on each other's positive qualities (name them, be aware of them), be aware of the positive feelings we have for each other, and what positive experiences we have shared with each other. We do this through completing check lists and structured conversations and interactions. Finally, we need to do these positive interactions frequently, as often as possible. It isn't the big events that bring us together, it's the little things.

Gottman adds some more tradition components to his "Secrets" of successful relationships, including sharing power, communicating respectfully (don't jump in and try to solve things that can't be solved, all that is is a good way to lose respect for each other!), overcome the "gridlock" that is stopping you from moving forward and finally work actively at creating shared meaning (values, attitudes, interests and traditions).

While Gottman's method of marriage therapy and couple therapy may sound a little less radical that he portrays it, it still takes a very different point of view and focus than most traditional methods of couple counselling which are usually focused almost entirely on "communications training."

Gottman's work can be read about in some very useful self help books including his "Seven Secrets to a Successful Marriage." I highly recommend this book, and use it, along with Gottman specific training materials during couple and marriage therapy in my practice in Burnaby and Vancouver. But there is one more point, a warning from a number of therapists. Some therapist feel the greatest factor in couples being unable to use the Gottman materials independently (or to naturally interact as Gottman proposes) is individual psychopathology. One member of a couple may be hypersensitive to comments from the other due to low self esteem or personal history. One member may have ADHD, a learning disability or a difficult time expressing and understanding the emotions of others. One may have depression, an anxiety disorder or a more serious personality issue. For these couples the initial work needs to be one-on-one. Individualized treatment aimed at preparing them to take part in couples counselling or therapy. Sometimes there is simply such an imbalance of power within the relationship that it's impossible for one member to participate until they have skills and tools that make them feel safe and in control of their own destiny and decision making process. These are issues for someone with considerable experience in both couple and individual therapy, as well as using the two together.

For more information on the services I provide as a Registered Psychologist and Registered Marriage and Family Therapist in my Vancouver and Burnaby offices please see my web pages at: www.relatedminds.com or http://www.relatedminds.com/couples-therapy/
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KEYWORDS: Couple Counselling, Couple Therapy, Marriage Counselling, Marriage Therapy, Registered Psychologist, Gottman, Vancouver, Burnaby, New Westminster, Coquitlam, Maple Ridge

Infidelity and Couples Therapy (Gottman's Thoughts)

John Gottman points out that it a myth that infidelity, cheating, is the cause of divorce. He reports that 20-25% of people in divorce mediation do say that an affair was a reason for the marriage ending, but THE reason given by nearly 80% of these couples is a "deterioration of intimacy." In fact, researchers (Fisher et al 2009) have found that relationship problems- usually noted as a :deterioration of intimacy" is reported in over 80 percent of cases by men. Other researches have supported this finding. IT starts with a breakdown in the love component of your relationship. The affair is often just the last straw.

There are several other myths about relationships that Gottman addresses in his work and practice as a couples therapist. One big one is that "communications problems" cause marriage problems and conflicts. This sounds good, and sounds simple. The truth is, distressed people communicate quite clearly what they feel and mean.

What Gottman suggests is that couples are never going to learn to "not communicate" the often hurtful and damaging things they say. Rather, what is important is to learn how to properly argue, disagree and differ in wants, needs, ideas and feelings. It's not what they are doing, we all disagree and get upset, instead it's about HOW they do it. Gottman offers clear, understandable tools for fixing this problem, which doesn't include the typical, " Say everything ...."  Instead it's "say what's appropriate, in a way that shows your still committed to the relationship."  In other words, make each other feel safe, especially when angry.

When you think about this, this is a skill any good parent has. They learn how to set limits, correct and when necessary even punish their children without driving a nail through their self esteem. We need to learn to do that with each other.

In happy couples Gottman's research shows that number of positive interaction to negative interactions is 20-1.  Yes, 20-1. In conflicted couples it 5-1. Maybe you thought 5-1 was good enough? Research says that 5-1 is a dangerous place to be. In soon to be divorced couples it's 8-1.  Unhappy couples tend to have a filter that screens out positive events and makes even neutral events look negative.  You need to learn to increase the number of daily positive interactions between you.  And, going back to the beginning of this submission, you need to figure out how to renew the intimacy between you. To do that Gottman uses what are called "Love Maps."

If your interested in learning more about Dr. Gottman and his techniques, yuou can visit his website or just Google him on YouTube. He has his own YouTube channel! You'll find a good number of videos on his practice.  If your interested in seeing me for marriage therapy, couples counselling or family therapy, feel free to call me. More information is available on my website at http://www.relatedminds.com or on my marriage counselling | family therapy page at: http://www.relatedminds.com/couples-therapy

I see couples for therapy in both my Vancouver office (serving Vancouver, West Vancouver, North Vancouver and Richmond) and Burnaby (serving Burnaby, Coquitlam, Port Coquitlam, Port Moody, Maple Ridge, New Westminster, Langley and Surrey). In addition to being a Registered Psychologist in BC I am also a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist (RMFT) with the British Columbia Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, and a Clinical Member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.

Jim Roche
http://www.psychologists.bc.ca/users/jimroche
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Keywords: Marriage therapy, marriage counselling, couple therapy, couple counselling, marriage and family therapist, psychologist, infidelity, cheating, Gottman, Vancouver, Burnaby, Coquitlam, New Westminster

Self-Help Book for Relationships and Couples

I thought it might be a good idea to repost this blog about self-help books for couples:


If your looking for a good self help book instead of marriage counselling, here is one I can recommend: Why Marriages Succeed and Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last by John Gottman. Many couples need the help of a registered marriage and family therapist, but this book is useful for anyone, including those who decide to see  therapist of counsellor. Here is the book at Amazon.ca:

<a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Why-Marriages-Succeed-Fail-Yours/dp/0684802414/ref=pd_sim_b_1/701-7522828-1360365?ie=UTF8&qid=1189021726&s">http://www.amazon.ca/Why-Marriages-Succeed-Fail-Yours/dp/0684802414/ref=pd_sim_b_1/701-7522828-1360365?ie=UTF8&qid=1189021726&s</a>

The book is by marriage researcherDr. John Gottman. It's described as "upbeat, easy-to-follow manual based on research into the dynamics of married couples. Gottman describes his studies as being akin to a CAT scan of a living relationship and asserts that he's been able to predict the future of marriages with an accuracy rate of over 90 percent. In 1983 and 1986, his research team monitored more than a hundred married couples in Indiana and Illinois with electrodes, video cameras, and microphones as they attempted to work out real conflicts. Using the information derived from these sessions, Gottman concludes here that a lasting relationship results from a couple's ability to resolve conflicts through any of the three styles of problem-solving that are found in healthy marriages- -validating, conflict-avoiding, and volatile. Numerous self-quizzes help couples determine the style that best suits them. Gottman points out, however, that couples whose interactions are marked by four characteristics--criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal--are in trouble, and he includes self-tests for diagnosing these destructive tactics, as well as steps for countering them. Interestingly, Gottman asserts that the basis of a stable marriage can be expressed mathematically: the ratio of positive to negative moments must be at least 5:1--and he offers a four-step program for breaking through negativity and allowing one's natural communication and problem-solving abilities to flourish. Mathematics and science aside, there's plenty of old- fashioned, helpful, and worthwhile advice here about gender differences, realistic expectations, love, and respect--advice that may appeal especially to those who enjoy taking quizzes and analyzing relationships."

If you love your mate, and your relationship just seems to be going off track, and becoming less and less important to you, this is THE book for you. As the author above describes, Gottman's book is one of the very few relationship books that is actually based on science. There are many theories, but most are ...it may seem hard to imagine...just made up! Yes, people look at a situation and develop a theory, and then a practice, on what they think is right, with no research to back up their ideas, or the treatment you are exposed to. Gottman bases his suggestions on scientific observations and years of research. The ideas on how to strengthen your relationship are easy to follow, clearly laid out and presented in a step by step manner. Those of us who practice marriage and family therapy often use both his books and his many packets of clinical material to help guide couples through this learning process in a supportive and direct manner.  In the book you will learn: That more sex doesn't necessarily improve a marriage, Frequent arguing will not lead to divorce, Financial problems do not always spell trouble in a relationship, Wives who make sour facial expressions when their husbands talk are likely to be separated within four years, There is a reason husbands withdraw from arguments -- and there's a way around it

Dr. Gottman tells you how to recognize attitudes that doom a relationship, which he calls "The Four Horsemen" - contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling, and provides you with readings, exercises, role plays, tips and easy to use techniques that will help you understand and make the most of your relationship. Through reading and practicing his suggestions you can avoid patterns that lead to divorce.

About Dr. Roche:
Dr. Jim Roche is a Registered Psychologist and a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist with offices in Vancouver and Burnaby, BC. He has been in practice for over 25 years and uses Dr. John Gottman's programs and techniques, as well as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, when working with couples and families. For more information about his marriage therapy practice check out his web page at: http://www.relatedminds.com/couples-therapy/

Other information about Dr. Roche can be found at:  <a href="http://relatedmnds.com">www.relatedminds.com</a> or <a href="http://www.relatedminds.com/adhd">www.relatedminds.com/adhd</a>. Other information on my practice can be found at: <a href="http://Therapists.Psychologytoday.com/70682">http://Therapists.Psychologytoday.com/70682</a>, http://www.bcpsychologist.org/users/jimroche or <a href="http://psyris.com/drjimroche">http://psyris.com/drjimroche</a>.