Couples Therapy / Marriage Counselling Vancouver: Is Gottman right for you?

Dr. Jim Roche is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist and Registered Psychologist in British Columbia. He has offices in Vancouver and Burnaby. He provides couples counselling and marriage therapy using several different techniques as appropriate, including behavioural therapy, cognitive behaviour therapy for marriage issues and the Gottman Family Therapy method. Information about his couples counselling practice can be found any of these sites: http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/
www.relatedminds.com
http://psyris.com/drjimroche
http://www.psychologists.bc.ca/users/jimroche

www.therapistlocator.net/member?226046

http://psychologybc.weebly.com

Is Gottman Family or Couple Therapy right for you?

I almost always recommend the Gottman books to my patients, These range from: The Relationship Cure to The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work to Why Marriages Succeed or Fail...And How you Can Make Yours Last. These are great books to go along with the couples or marriage therapy that I provide, and a nice thing is they are also available in audio format for that member of the family you are simply not going to get to read this materials.

Gottman provides a great outline and schema to understand relationships and communications that isn't burdened down with outmoded theories as some other couples therapies are. And they are backed by some research. Not the best research in the world, but honestly, the best research in the field. Before learning about Gottman Couples Therapy I studied in New York with Harvelle Hendricks and welcomes what was a less "psychoanalytic" approach, and one that was based upon real data, not just individual observations and ...well...thinking stuff up.

Still, when couples come in for counselling often they are just not ready to engage in Gottman Therapy. The reasons can vary: Some of the couples I see have ADHD as a contributing factor - a powerful factor - to their relationship problems. Others have similar cognitive problems. I see many couples where one had Asperger's Disorder or autism spectrum disorder. These couples, with ADHD and Aspergers, need psychoeducation on the nature of these disorders, and then specific skill training in the area of concern. Regretfully a number of family therapists without sufficient knowledge and experience dealing with /ADHD or Asperger's Disorder still see these couples rather than referring them on to someone experienced in the field. Part of that is there are very few family counsellors or psychologists with both expertise in family or couples therapy AND ADHD or Aspergers.

Often with these couples Gottman Therapy would be inappropriate, and sometimes couple's therapy is inappropriate as well, and I see one member of the couple for several weeks and then work with the couple together to see how my interventions have helped, and to provide ongoing support for the member without ADHD or Asperger's. A lot of that involves psychoeducation and behavioural planning.

Another group for whom Gottman Family or Couples Therapy might not be appropriate are couples where one member has significant mental health issues, or anger management issues. In these cases I often see the partners separately and work on behavioural training in anger management, cognitive therapy and sometimes issues relating to more severe problems such as bipolar disorder or depression. It's not uncommon for me to have the couple's family doctor make a referral for one member to the UBC or other Mood Clinic and to a psychiatrist for help with more severe mood or cognitive distortions that make couples work inappropriate at the moment. Make sure your therapist is not afraid of making appropriate referrals. Not all problems can be dealt with by addressing issues within the couple or issues of communication. Often that can lead to frustration and further problems.

What alternatives are there for others with mild issues of mood such as depression, anxiety, anger or stress? Many couples with these issues come in and I see one partner individually for CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - using materials and skills from Aaron Beck, Judith Beck and other well know cognitive behavioural therapists who have experience working with both individuals and couples. This is often the best path to go.

And Gottman? I almost always still suggest using Gottmans Couple Therapy books or audio programs, watching the Gottman Institutes many videos and still working on those issues that make a marriage or any relationship last. But sticking to one approach, and seeing every problem through the lens of couples therapy and communications, isn't always the best thing.

For more information on my services, please feel free to contact me through one of the web pages above. As always, this blog, and what I write here, is not meant to be medical or psychological advise. It serves as information to help you understand choices and what is available. See your family doctor or a registered psychologist if you need help with any relational or mental health issue.

A new book for Couples with ADHD | Adult ADHD

Much of my practice is working with teens, young adults and adults with ADHD in the Vancouver and Burnaby area. Almost all of my patients have seen one or more other therapists for relationship or couples therapy due to the problems associated with adult ADHD. Seldom do they seem satisfied. A recent post addressed some of the issues and research published by the American Psychological Association about adult ADHD and couples therapy and how traditional couples therapy fails to take into account the elephant in the room - ADHD. This is very apparent when I ask these couples about what they have done in previous therapy. "Talked." is the usual answer. "Talked about communication." I then ask for any specific skills or tools they have been taught, and the vast majority of the time I get a none answer. None. Thy can't remember or were not taught any tools, either about communications or specifically how to deal with adult ADHD. This is disturbing as couples seem to spend lots of money, time and effort not learning some basic skills. Seldom do couples even recognize the major names in the field, names of individuals who have published the major books that EVERYONE with adult ADHD should have. For example, Dr. Russell Barkley.

I often send couples to Dr. Barkley;'s website and youtube channel where quickly they get up to speed on the facts about adult ADHD. Treatment for mental health disorders should almost always start with psycho-education - learning about your disorder. Dr. Barkley's site helps that happen quickly. Often times is starts a dramatic shift in the relationship because couples learn that what seemed hopeless is indeed hopeful. ADHD is more readily treatable than anxiety, depression, OCD or about any other outpatient disorder. And treatments, both medical and psychological, have a long long history of decades of success. Research is bountiful. And adult ADHD is no where near as unusual as they may have thought.

Thats why I am always surprised, and confounded, when patients who have had years of couple and individual treatment because of behaviours relating to ADHD cannot tell me a skill, tool or even recognize a name in the field!

Therapy is costly, and while MSP doesn't cover psychological services in BC (in the vast majority of North America psychological services ARE covered by insurance) most extended halt care plans do cover some of the costs. Still, there are limits, so I often focus treatment so that it works in tandem with self-help -do-it-yourself - workbooks or books. I often suggest getting a copy of 1  or 2 of Dr. Barkley's books, but these are big. More like a good reference book you SHOULD have, maybe something by Dr. Hallowell, and finally something directly about couples with adult ADHD. While I haven't found a perfect adult couple ADHD book I have found several that are good enough. (A perfect one would be much, much shorter than those available. Couples with adult ADHD simply do not have the time to read 3-400 pages! But, remember, all these books are available on Kindle, Kobo and usually audible.com to listen to!)

One recent book I've reviewed I would suggest you look at is ADHD and Marriage by Meissa Orlov and Dr. Ned Hallowell. "The Effects of ADHD on Marriage" addresses how to change your interactions - and behaviours- not by trying harder but by trying different! It tells you what effective treatment should look like (VERY HELPFUL for the consumer), dealing with emotions, setting boundaries and has several really useful tools and skills. It's a great place to start, and you can use it with your therapist or on your own. Take a look and then find yourself a therapist. But, maybe think about that research I mentioned on therapy that works or doesn't work - you need a therapist who is both an expert in marriage/relationship counselling, and someone who REALLY understands ADHD.

A relationship therapist - I would look for someone who is a registered marriage and family therapist, a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy or the British Columbia Association for Marriage and Family Therapy rather  than just any "counsellor." Members of AAMFT have two years of full time supersede clinical experience doing nothing but couple and family therapy, compared to a course or two others might take. And ADHD. Find someone who is also a psychologist and had some clinical training in ADHD or neuropsychology. You can find a dual trained person on the BCAMFT website.

For information  about me and my practice with children, teens and adults with ADHD please visit my website at www.relatedminds.com or www.relatedminds.com/adhd or at the British Columbia Psychological Association site at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/70682 or http://www.psychologists.bc.ca/users/jimroche

I have offices in Vancouver near Broadway, and in Burnaby near Lougheed Mall. My services are covered by most extended health care plans.

Couples Therapy for Adult ADHD | A Review

On my ADHD blog I've written a new entry on ADHD and Couples Therapy. New research has shown that it far better to work with a therapist who has specific training in adult ADHD than to see a regular marriage or family counsellor as they may not have an understanding of the complexity of ADHD and how it interferes with the couple's progress in couples therapy.

For a look at this blog please click here: http://adhdvancouver.blogspot.ca/2014/07/adult-adhd-testing-and-treatment-focus.html

For more information about adult ADHD, including testing, assessment, diagnosis and treatment, please visit my website at www.relatedminds.com/adhd or at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/70682

Dr. Roche is a registered psychologist and registered marriage and family therapist working in Vancouver and Burnaby, British Columbia.

What is an MFCC? (Marriage, Family and Child Counsellor)

MFCCs or RMFTs are professional therapists/counsellors who are either licensed or registered with their state or provincial regulatory boards, or members of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). Information about AAMFT can be found here: http://www.aamft.org

In most jurisdictions individuals trained and licensed/registered as RMFT's are the professional of choice for those seeking help with child behaviour or emotional issues such as depression, anxiety or anger management.

Here in BC the British Columbia Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (BCAMFT) registers individuals who have meet the high standards of education and training used by the AAMFT and most jurisdictions for licensure or registration. The are usually referred to as "Marriage and Family Therapists" or MFTs. The AAMFT publishes their standards for training which includes a graduate degree focused on counselling within the family system (other groups call for a few counselling courses) and two years of supervised full time experience in the field.

RMFT's in British Columbia are trained to work with children, providing counselling / therapy for issues such as childhood anxiety, childhood depression, behaviour management issues, sibling issues, aggressive behaviour and anger management. In my own practice as both a Registered Psychologist and Registered Marriage and Family Therapist I have completed four years of supervised training in community clinics, private practice and hospital settings. Additionally I have worked with school districts throughout the United States and Canada as a behaviour specialist, providing teacher training, workshops and individual consultation on cases of severe behaviour problems.

Much of my time as a child and adolescent therapist is spend specifically working on issues of behaviour management in the home, aggression, depression and anxiety in children and teens.

Information on my practice as an RMFT can be found at my web site: www.relatedminds.com

In addition to working with children and teens generally I also provide consultation and counselling services as a member of ACT's approved behaviour interventionist program for children with Autism and Asperger's Disorder. Please visit my website for further information and to set up an appointment today.

My Vancouverautism blog often contains comments and information on child behaviour therapy that might interest you as a parent. It can be found at: http://autismvancouver.blogspot.ca/2014/07/using-visual-supports-positive-autism.html  A recent post on aggressive behaviour in children and teaching anger management skills can be found here: http://adhdvancouver.blogspot.ca/2014/07/oppositional-defiant-disorder-and-child.html  This post addresses the issue of Oppositional Defiant Disorder or ODD and parent focused training programs.

Please feel free to visit my web page and contact me directly if you are interested in setting up an appointment.

Marriage and Family Counselling | Burnaby | Vancouver | Coquitlam

Gottman based Couple and Family Therapy is available, along with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) in my offices in Burnaby and Vancouver. Gottman Therapy is a structured approach to changing behaviour and communication style between members of a couple or family. I highly advices Dr. Gottman's recent books: "The Seven Principals for Maring Marriage Work," and "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail." Both of these books are available in book form or through Audible.com if you'd rather listen on your iPod, phone or other device.

CBT- Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is another approach often used in my office, either by itself or in combination with Gottman techniques for couple therapy or counselling. Some patients have found Dr. Aaron Beck's "Love is Never Enough" to be very helpful. This book on couple's counselling/therapy comes from a much more behavioural point of view.

Finally, in my office I see a number of couples who have issues relating to Aspger's Disorder as a central concern. I have been working with young adults and adults with Aspeger's for over twenty years, first starting in California working with Michelle Garcia Winner. While there is a limited number of books for adults with Asperger's Disorder David Finch's book, "The Journal of Best Practices," which is a "memoir of marriage, Asperger's Syndrome and one man's quest to be a better husband" has been found to be very useful. I also spend a great deal of time working with couples with ADHD, OCD and related cognitive disorders, making use of my post graduate training in neuropsychology as well as marriage/couple and family therapy. In addition to being a registered and licensed psychologist I am additionally a registered marriage and family therapist and Fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy and a Clinical Member of the British Columbia Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (Counsellors)/

For more information please visit my web page below, and feel free to call my office. Other sites which have information about my practice are also listed below.

Dr. Jim Roche
relatedminds (at) gmail.com

You can find me at any of the following pages:

http://psyris.com/drjimroche

http://www.relatedminds.com

http://www.actcommunity.ca/profiles/224/

http://www.psychologists.bc.ca/users/jimroche

www.therapistlocator.net/member?226046

Couples Therapy | Marriage Counselling | Burnaby | Vancouver

Dr. Jim Roche provides marriage and couple therapy / counselling in his offices in Burnaby and Vancouver. Dr. Roche is both a Registered Psychologist and Registered Marriage and Family Therapist, as well as a Clinical Member and Fellow of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. He has over 25 hers experience in the field working with couples and families in therapy.

Dr. Roche is trained in systemic therapy, as well as the Gottman Therapy Method. He provides therapy for those who feel stuck in their relationships, and want to learn and explore new skills and ways of communication.

Marriage and Couples Therapy can be used to address:
Problems with communication
Anger issues
Sexual difficulties
Conflicts about child rearing
Substance abuse
Infidelity
Divorce or separation issues

The Gottman Couples/Marriage Therapy method addresses several similar issues:
Increasing respect, affection and closeness between you
Learning techniques to break through and resolve conflicts when you feel stuck
Gaining a better understanding of who each of you are in the relationship
Learning how to keep conflict discussions calm
and How to maintain improvements in your relationships.

Couple or marriage therapy usually starts with two or three weekly sessions during which we assess the situation and determine mutual goals, and then weekly every other week sessions using skills and reviewing their use in the relationship.

Two books I highly recommend reading (or at least reviewing) before coming to therapy include, "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail," and "The Seven Principals for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman.

For more information about setting up an appointment for marriage therapy or couples counselling please visit my website at: http://www.relatedminds.com/couple-family-therapy/  or www.relatedminds.com

Couple and Marriage Therapy in Vancouver | Burnaby

Dr. Jim Roche is a Registered Psychologist and Marriage and Family Therapist providing counselling and therapy to individuals, couples and families in Burnaby and Vancouver. Dr. Roche also provides parent education/training for parents dealing with behavioural problems, including those relating to ADHD and ASD or Aspeger's Disorder. He also specializes in working with adults and couples where one or both of the couple have ASD or Aspeger's Disorder. He has been working in the field for over 20 years.

For more information on Marriage, Couple and Family Therapy visit Dr. Roches web page at www.relatedminds.com or the web page for the British Columbia Association for Marriage and Family Therapists.