ADHD and Marriage

Almost 1/3 of my marriage and couple referrals involve issues in a relationship that are related to possible ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). Often "You don't listen to me!" "You forget everything!" and "You just can't be relied on..." problems are related to issues of Executive Dysfunction in one or maybe both partners. And inability to follow-through, plan, initiate and even more important, control your emotions is often a signal that there may be an issue of executive deficit or dysfunction, similar too ADHD, that needs to be looked at.

Often I ask couples to complete some short self report forms that help me in a diagnostic process called "differential diagnosis." That means not immediately focusing on what everyone thinks is the problem but also looking at other possible causes.

This investigation can often lead us to teaching specific skills to compensate for deficits, and providing education to the other spouse about what may be at the heart of their problem. An inability to change behaviour can also be a frontal lobe or executive problem, and there are skills and interventions we can implement to work on those. What's most important is to understand that procrastination, messiness, disorder and inability to make changes can be signs of more than a relationship issue. They may be something that causes the relationship issue but also something that needs an intervention separate from our usual family systems intervention.

Be open minded, and be willing to look at all possible causes of your problems. Sometimes fixing these issues first makes fixing your relationship easier.

You can visit my web site at www.RelatedMinds.com by clicking here. Or you can look at my Psychology Today website.